Tips on Talking to Your Child and Teens

We need to listen to our kids. No, we can't do all the talking. We actually have to stop and listen to what they have to say.

Listening is a vital part of a parent's job. You have to know what your kids are thinking and doing. How will you know these things without talking to them? Spying won't tell you what they are thinking or feeling. The only thing that will do that is simply asking.

But it isn't easy to talk to kids, especially as they enter the teenage years. They think they know everything. They aren't always the most talkative, either. Sometimes, we have to pull the information we need out of them. So what can we do?

First here are a few things not to do:

Don't try to talk to your child in the morning. He or she is busy focusing on the day and may not even be awake enough to talk, really talk, yet.

Don't make steady eye contact. You will make your kid feel like a deer caught in a trap.

Don't wait until you have your kids undivided attention. It may never happen.

Don't try to ban screaming or acting out, especially if the kid is a teen. Teens are known for acting dramatic. They like to scream, they like to slam doors. Just try to stay calm and allow them to vent some.

Don't just ask general questions like how was your day or other questions that could easily be answered with one words. Remember kids love those kind of questions. School was fine, etc.

Don't focus your conversations on purely the negative, bad grades, forgotten chores, etc. Try to have conversations about other things, too. That will keep your child talking to you on a regular basis. If every time you open your mouth it is to speak something negative, would you blame your child for not wanting to talk to you?

Don't give advice, unless asked. This is in general. For example, maybe your daughter would look better in another blouse. Skip the advice and save it for when it is really important.

Don't assume you know what your teen will say or do next because that is how you acted as a teen. Teenagers are different than when we were as kids. It is just the way things are. The world changes as do the teens and the way they act and react.