The Ultimate Guide to Raising Confident and Courageous Girls

Most women and girls spend a lot of time thinking about physical beauty, sometimes to the point of distraction. In many cases, to the detriment of their self-esteem and self-confidence. And in some cases, to the point of illnesses such as bulimia or anorexia.

Girls are reminded daily by television, billboards, movies, magazines, music, and each other, of the societal norm for beauty and what the boundaries of acceptance are. They are even reminded by their own parents. When our girls look into the mirror, they see their own reflection within the context of these expectations. And narrow standards of beauty set our girls up for what can be a stifling and devastating lack of confidence that will affect their entire life.

I think about the twelve-year-old daughter of an acquaintance and her very real struggle with the idea of beauty imposed upon her by her schoolmates in small-town Oklahoma. Her mother is white. Her father is African American. She has honey-colored skin and a head full of the thickest, shoulder-length, curly hair you could imagine. Her mom says that she comes home in tears more afternoons than not from school, complaining that the other kids in her class make fun of her appearance, especially her hair. Her classmates have even given her a derogatory name-The Lion. Because of her wild mane. (And I understand that a couple of the teachers have even called her that. Where's the school administration, I wonder?) She wants her hair cut. She wants it straightened. She wants to look like everybody else. She feels like she doesn't fit in. And she's beginning to not like herself.

My first reaction is that I'd tell that girl that very possibly her classmates have not thought through their cutting words very carefully. I might remind her that the lion is one of the world's most beautiful, courageous, and majestic beings. The king of the jungle, after all. And the lion's mane, that long shock of golden stuff that none of the other animals have, is what makes the lion particularly beautiful and unique.