Chinese Missile Destroys Satellite

Last week, China destroyed a satellite with an earth-launched missile. U.S. government officials have confirmed the test that promises to undermine the sneakers-for-dollars relationship that has been so carefully cultivated between East and West.

National Security Council spokesman S.H.H. Hush confirmed that a ground-based, medium-range missile nicked a state-of-the-art (circa. 1999) Chinese weather satellite 537 miles above the Earth. The missile carried a payload of gunpowder from multiple fireworks production sites, but destroyed the satellite by simply ramming it. "Chinese scientist have reportedly not master the art of the really, really, really long fuse," Hush said.

The Chinese Feng Yun 1C (FY-1C) polar-orbit weather satellite was molested by an anti-satellite system launched from or near the Xichang Space Center. Xichang is also the home of the Chinese Space Camp. Unlike its American counterpart in Huntsville Alabama where children spend a week training to be astronauts, children at Chinese Space Camp are chained to machines for a week of rocket-parts assembly.

An anonymous U.S. NSA official currently residing at 458 Baxter Ln., Arlington VA, said the event was the first successful test of the missile after three failures. The same anonymous source, initials B.R. who eats lunch every Wednesday at Tony's Pizza on 8th St. said, "The first three tests did not achieve orbit, but the resulting fireworks were a welcomed diversion from building rockets for the children of the Xichang region."