Advice for Parents of Adopted Children: Confront Your Feelings About the Birth Parents

After adopting a child, there are some natural insecurities and fears that many parents face. After the long, often painful struggle to become parents, the thought that something could come along and take it all away is a common and unbearable notion. Frequently, a large number of the fears and insecurities that parents of adopted children face are focused on the children's birth parents.

The period of time between when a child has been given up for adoption and when that adoption becomes final can be a very unnerving one for parents of adopted children. There is the very real possibility that one or both of the birth parents could have a change of heart and want to "take the baby back." This possibility can lead to some very natural feelings of anxiety in the adoptive parents- feelings that do not necessarily go away when the adoption is final.

It is important that adopted children experience a sense of wholeness in their family. Growing up with the perception that their parents have negative feelings or fears about where they "came from" can transfer a good deal of those negative feelings and fears to the child. Although these feelings are natural, it is very important that the parents of adopted children confront them so that they can move beyond them and provide a solid and healthy emotional base for their children.

Some of the behaviors that parents who are experiencing feelings of fear and anxiety about the birth parents of their adopted children tend to exhibit include refusals to discuss the birth parents, evasive answers, downplaying or dismissing the children's need or desire for information, over protectiveness, negative comments about the birth parents, and the providing of misinformation to their children. All of these behaviors can for or feed an insecure and confused worldview in children as they grow and develop. If you are experiencing these negative feelings about your children's birth parents, it is possible that you are exhibiting some or all of these behaviors with out even realizing it.

Adoptive families are "real" families.

Credit: Hortongrou

Copyright: Hortongrou