Do's and Don'ts of Chemistry Lab

Slightly over twenty-four hours ago I walked into my chemistry lab for the first time. After a thirty-minute role taking adventure, I was presented with over two hours of safety tips for use in chemistry labs. I know that I will most likely not be following them because safety is for chumps, but I do not want that information to go to waste, so thus I present:

1. Don't pay attention. - Listening to the professor only wastes valuable lab time that you can use to get the experiment done quicker. If you plan on not listening to every word, you can ignore the chemical warning section of the introduction to the laboratory, if the chemicals were really unsafe, they would not have them for you to use.

2. Do drink the nearest liquid when you are thirsty. - Some of those who are part of the reality based community might tell you that you should not bring any food or drink into chemistry lab and you should minimize contact with chemicals used in lab. However, they're just telling you that so do you don't drink the delicious liquids available to you. If people knew they were delicious cool beverages, the lab costs would go through the roof, that is why the myth that chemistry liquids are undrinkable is presented.

3. DO replace the fire extinguisher with a fake one that shoots out flammable fake snakes. - Everyone KNOWS that accidents never really happen in labs, the stories they tell you are actually myths they just use to scare you. There has never been an accident in a chemistry lab ever, so you will not need a fire extinguisher, period. That's why I suggest you replace that useless CO2 can and replace it with a tank filled with hilarity.

4. DO look into the test tubes. - Chemical reactions happen very fast and you might miss them if you are not looking directly into the top of the tube. Be sure to keep your eye at maximum one inch away from the end of the tube so that you are SURE you do not miss any reactions that might happen.