Baby Proofing Your Relationship - Before the Baby

There's a new book out entitled Baby-proofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows (Amazon.co.uk; Price: £6.59). This book is all about sustaining your marriage through the birth of a child.

A reviewer on Amazon.com writes: "This work presents the no-holds-barred truth about what having a baby can do to your marriage - and what you can do about it. This funny, compassionate, opinionated guide addresses how the early parenting years impact marriage . . ."

This got me to thinking, what about before the baby comes? What kinds of things should couples be discussing, what should they be focusing on, preparing for, etc.

The following assumes that you've discussed the biggies - expenses, childcare, etc.

While you can read a hundred books on the subject, you will never know what having a baby is like until you experience it firsthand. So, as someone who's in the pre-babymaking stage, these are some issues I'm pondering:

1. Unknowns: As it's impossible to know how a new baby will impact your relationship, talk about the hardships to come. Even pick up a few books and read on the subject. Maybe the two of you can come up with a little catch phrase that will center you when things get crazy.

I remember reading an article by a male author about Father's Day. He wrote about how he used to get up with his wife during the middle of the night for feedings (she was breast feeding). He said that no matter how tired they were, more often than not, they both got up during the late night feelings.

He said, one night they both fell asleep during the feeding, and the crying of the baby woke them up. On those occasions when they would fight, he said referring back to that night (eg, remember the rocking chair), always centered them. Usually, all one of them had to say was, remember the rocking chair and the other would burst out laughing.

So, creating some type of ritual, saying, phrase beforehand could diffuse many tensions to come.