Every year around this time, strangers come up to me and ask questions like, "What is the big deal about New Year's? Why do people get drunk and blow horns and kiss at midnight? I mean it's just the start of another
miserable year of workin' my ass off, payin' taxes, comin' home and findin' my wife in bed with my best friend, gettin' my shotgun, blowin' their heads off, and buryin' their bodies in the backyard. Then gettin' drunk and watchin' porn on the Internet 'til I pass out with my head on the desk, drool runnin' from my mouth, sittin' in a pool of my own urine. I don't think I could take another year like that."
If that sounds like you, I feel for ya Buddy, I really do. Been there, done that. But getting back to your question, in order to understand our fascination with New Year's Day, we need to know a little about its history and how it got started. So I have put together some of the most commonly asked questions about New Year's Day along with answers that hopefully will clear up some of the mystery.
Who invented New Year's Day?
New Year's Day was invented by major television executives for the sole purpose of devoting an entire day to televising college football bowl games. Prior to the inception of New Year's Day, there were no college bowl games and the National Championship was decided through an archaic playoff system.
What day is New Year's Day?
Traditionally, New Year's Day always falls on January 1. One rare exception was the year 1216 when the Official Royal Calendar Keeper, William of Turdingham, went on a drinking binge and failed to announce the New Year until he regained consciousness nearly three weeks later. That year, New Year's Day was officially celebrated on January 19 and William of Turdingham was beheaded on January 20.
Why January 1?
Because it's the first day of the year, you dumbass!
Do all countries celebrate New Year's Day?
No. Poland has not yet mastered the use of calendars and therefore still believes it is year one. Other countries had at one time considered telling them, but decided it is just too damn funny. And so the deception continues.
What does Auld Lang Syne mean?
If that sounds like you, I feel for ya Buddy, I really do. Been there, done that. But getting back to your question, in order to understand our fascination with New Year's Day, we need to know a little about its history and how it got started. So I have put together some of the most commonly asked questions about New Year's Day along with answers that hopefully will clear up some of the mystery.
Who invented New Year's Day?
New Year's Day was invented by major television executives for the sole purpose of devoting an entire day to televising college football bowl games. Prior to the inception of New Year's Day, there were no college bowl games and the National Championship was decided through an archaic playoff system.
What day is New Year's Day?
Traditionally, New Year's Day always falls on January 1. One rare exception was the year 1216 when the Official Royal Calendar Keeper, William of Turdingham, went on a drinking binge and failed to announce the New Year until he regained consciousness nearly three weeks later. That year, New Year's Day was officially celebrated on January 19 and William of Turdingham was beheaded on January 20.
Why January 1?
Because it's the first day of the year, you dumbass!
Do all countries celebrate New Year's Day?
No. Poland has not yet mastered the use of calendars and therefore still believes it is year one. Other countries had at one time considered telling them, but decided it is just too damn funny. And so the deception continues.
What does Auld Lang Syne mean?
Top 5 Feel Good New Year's Resolutions
Every year, we make New Year's resolutions that are difficult to keep. While these resolutions are inspired and ambitious, how about adding a few more resolutions to your list t...
Sticking to Your New Year's Resolutions
The easiest solution might be to not make any New Year's Resolutions, but this article is about how to stick to your New Year's Resolutions.
New Year's 2008: Why Your New Year's Resolutions Fail and What to Do Abo...
If your New Year's resolutions are never kept or met, and you want to change this, read on!
Resolutions for Couples
Here is my top 10 list of New Year's resolutions couples can make that will benefit their relationship.
|
|
Type in Your Comments Below
Sheryl Young
01/08/2009
Frank, you are sooo funny. Glad I finally got here for a good laugh. It's been "old long since" I had one. Broke my foot over Christmas! Will write about it soon.
Kofi Bofah
01/07/2009
Ha @ the bowl games. Well, Happy New Year to you, buddy.
3lilangels
12/30/2008
ROTFL GREAT STUFF, VERY COOL READ!
Lady Samantha
12/28/2008
ROFL LMAO WILLIAM OF TURDINGHAM!!!!
Maria Roth
12/28/2008
William of Turdingham was ahead of his time.
Anne Stjern
12/28/2008
Any man who tells his wife how "smokin' hot" her best friend looks is automatically offering his family jewels to her for use as dangley earrings. Just so you know, boys :)
Kylyssa Shay
12/28/2008
Nicely done and amusing as always. :o)
Comments 1 - 7 (of 7)