Caring for Aging Parents Makes Self-Care a Must

Feeling caught somewhere between your kids' homework and your father's expensive prescriptions? You are not alone!

First Things First

Realize that you are not weak, selfish, or crazy for feeling stressed out...With the increased life expectancy of our parents, work, children, and spouses, more pressure is being being put on modern women (and men) than ever, not to mention internal pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect in every role.

There are not enough hours in the day to do everything perfectly, and for particularly demanding or domineering parents and families, not even the most meticulous level of care will be enough for the approval, love, and happiness that you seek from them.

Some Practical Measures

You have permission to reclaim your own life by making more demands upon community resources, other relatives, friends, siblings (we sometimes don't realize that we have passively accepted the 'position' assigned to us in our families in early life). Since you are are an adult now, it is possible to let go of those childhood roles, define yourself, and demand respect and consideration for your own needs and goals.

• Do something just for yourself, like a favorite hobby or a dance class you've wanted to take
  

• Nurture other relationships in your life; make a little time to enjoy with your children, spouse, and friends. This will help refresh you and maintain perspective--you are more than a lean, mean, caretaking machine!
  

• Set appropriate boundaries for yourself; do not feel guilty about maintaining some privacy
  
  
• Do not give in to baiting (picking fights) or guilt trips meant to keep you locked into a self-sacrificing position

Still Stressed?

Be honest with yourself...sometimes the care needed is more than can be provided by you and the rest of your family. There are full time retirement homes, but there are also nurses and assistants that can visit a patient's house daily to relieve some of the strain. Investigate all the possibilities so that you can make an informed decision.