Artie Lange Goes to Rehab -- on His Own Terms

Can Colonics Cure the Stern Co-Host's Addictions?

It's back to work for most of America today. We, as a nation, faced the morning with that horrific realization that the time had come-vacations and holidays were OVER. If you're a fan of the Howard Stern show, you woke up with the brief consolation that your commute to work would be a little less dreary today because the Stern show was back live, with all of its bizarre and wondrous cast members sharing their vacation stories. But it didn't take long for listeners to realize that there was one familiar voice that was suspiciously absent once again. No,..it COULDN'T be. Not AGAIN. Oh yes it is-Artie Lange is missing.

Artie Lange's struggles with drug, alcohol, food, and gambling addictions have become one of the main talking points on the show since the move to Sirius satellite radio. Stern fans have been following Lange's attempts at recovery with soap-opera-like fascination and intensity. For the past several months, Lange has claimed to be attending "intensive outpatient rehabilitation" consisting of work with a psychotherapist and psychiatrist. Before the holiday break, Lange admitted that the "rehab" that he was speaking of had actually consisted of two lone psychotherapy sessions, and nothing else.

Members of the Stern show cast have been speculating on Artie's possible lapse in sobriety for months now, and things became even more suspicious when he missed work several times for mysterious and unexplained "doctors appointments," some of which Lange claimed to be attending as early as 6:30 in the morning.

Lange called in to the live show this morning around 10:00AM Eastern time, in the middle of the Robin Quivers news segment.

"All right Artie-where ARE you?" Howard asked.

"Rehab," he replied. "I've been in intensive rehab."