These Wines Are Naughty and Nice

OK, I have a confession to make. I'm an amateur oenophile. No, that doesn't mean that I lurk in the bushes outside of someone's house. An oenophile is a fancy term for someone who loves wine. We have also been called wine-ies, wine lovers, and connoisseurs. I know several people in the winemaking business, the movie Sideways is one of my favorites, and I've been to a lot of tastings. Some of my friends don't understand though. Once I took a long time friend and his wife out to a very nice restaurant. We went over the wine list carefully and made our selection. After the wine arrived and was poured, I was trying to show him the proper way to taste it. Part of the process involves drawing a little bit of air into your mouth. When he attempted this, he literally inhaled the wine and it shot out of his nose onto the white tablecloth. Kind of messy, but I'm sure he got a full appreciation of the flavor.

Sometimes balancing which wines taste good against all of the complexities and detailed information out there can be difficult. Years ago, it was pretty much a choice between the expensive French wines and the less expensive ones from California. In recent years there has been an explosion of different brand names from both regions in the United States and around the world. Marketing the wine has certainly changed also. With the wine crowd getting younger and younger, some of the names have changed and not all of them are so innocent. Some might even make a white wine "blush."

We'll start with a 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley called Big Ass Cab. The label tells you: "This is a big, intense, lush Cabernet Sauvignon. It may not be for everyone, but if you are serious about Cabernet, you should be extremely happy."

Next up is a French red blend of Syrah and Grenache with the intriguing label of "Old Fart." No, this is not what the wine is supposed to taste like. The bottle tells us: "There really is no substitute for tradition and experience, just ask any old fart..."

If you really want to get in the mood for the upcoming Valentine's Day in February, then check out these labels: