Manspeak: Do We, as Men, Speak a Different Language Than Women?

Men are frequently guilty of mistakes, in particular, executing verbal instructions received from our female counterparts. When these occurrences happen, we are contritely accused of "not listening" or "ignoring them" or some such other rhetoric, when the fact is that most women break socially binding communication standards all the time. They do this in three major ways, reverse speak, euphemisms, and inferred telepathy. Let me take a few moments to cover each of these topics, and explain how each one creates negative connotations for us, the men!

First up is the most famous of these interpretive dance languages, and that is reverse speak. Every guy has had this one come back and bite him at least once in a relationship. This is when a woman professes one thing when she actually means the opposite, or at least something that isn't quite what she stated to begin with. One of the best examples comes at either Christmas or Birthday time, when they vehemently express to you that they don't want you to spend too much, or there is a certain item that she really wants but she doesn't want you to spend that much money, (By the way guys, this one is a dead give away. If you don't get her the item that she specifically pointed out, even though she said it was too expensive, you'd better make reservations at Fido's Bed and breakfast, cause you'll be bunking with the dog for some time to come. Woof!), guess what, check your schedule, because the hint train just arrived. They constantly say one thing when they mean another, purporting to have said just what they meant, when in actuality, they have left it to our own interpretation. Shame on them for making such assumptions about us. Men are simple creatures with simple needs, and as such, must be treated in the same accord. Don't talk down to us, but say what you mean and mean what you say! When we speak plainly we are accused of being insensitive or brutish, when in reality, we are speaking in a language that we understand.