Helpful Tips for Having Your Children's Friends Over

This was a moment that I had dreaded, but the time had come. We had moved to our new home, and the local children were poking their heads out of their homes and eyeing us curiously. Gradually, most of them made their way over to visit us, thanks to my gregarious daughter.

I tried not to freak out.

To my daughter, these were new friends. To me, they were mystery children, and having them in my home took some getting used to. Who were they? What do I do with them?

My father, just as introverted as I was, made it easy for himself, and declared that no friends were to ever come over. For us, this was okay. I had five brothers and a sister to play with, so I never suffered for company. However, this broad pronouncement was not going to work for me. I wanted my children to have their friends coming over to our home, because I felt safer having them around than constantly off at their friends' houses. Still, I was faced with a new situation and not sure how I was going handle it.

Eventually we did handle it, with a few bumps and bruises, and now a steady stream of neighborhood children doesn't faze me at all. For those of you who may find yourself in the same situation, I offer these tips to smooth your way.

Set some ground rules and make them known. A good general all-purpose rule is "Don't hurt anybody or anything". You can make up your own from there. The broader and simpler your rules are, the better the kids can remember them.

Don't referee. Little children will try to draw you into their frequent arguments, partly to get your attention and partly because their communication skills are still very green. Do not get drawn in as referee unless there's some value to you in doing so. Play around with different techniques to find out what's effective. You could use humor...whatever would distract them from the situation. You could ask the children how to solve the problem. Children will often come up with very novel solutions to their own problems if you let them, and it's good for their decision-making muscles. Plus it's one less thing for you to have to figure out.