Don't Hold the Door Open for Me

I have a problem with people, including women, who feel an Earth-shaking need to hold doors open for me. It's reached a point of ridiculousness. First of all, I appear quite able-bodied. This door-opening fiasco occurs when both arms are free; I'm not talking about when my arms are loaded with packages.

It's as though people feel a moral obligation to patrol the airspace behind them. Though this peculiar behavior, as mentioned above, occurs among women, I'd estimate that 98 percent of my "doormen" are...men. This makes me wonder if some (not all, of course, but only some), are holding doors open in an attempt to hit on me. Why not? After all, men do and say all sorts of odd things in an attempt to get a woman's phone number.

I bet right now, any woman reading this, won't have any trouble remembering the last time a man gave her a really stupid opening line. Thus, we can logically conclude that some men do the door-holding thing as a form of an opening line, hoping that the woman will make strong eye-contact, smile sweetly, and then start an engaging conversation that will lead to a date.

Anyways, it's as though it's sinful to keep your head and eyes straight ahead as you're going through a door, and instead, according to some godly law, you must first check to see if anyone's behind you. Now, I don't mean let the door slam in the face of someone right behind you. I'm talking about up to 30 feet behind! I swear, I have been what appears to be 50 yards behind, and this door-holding phenomenon still persists.

It's amazing how long people will pause (including those who seem to be running late for an appointment) to hold a door open for a complete stranger. In fact, I've done some experiments with this. I'll note a man who's maybe 40 or more feet ahead of me as we are heading toward the same entrance or exit. Right as they approach the door, I will stop, stoop and pretend to tie a shoelace, or fish around in my pocket, or count money in my wallet, or pretend I have something in my eye - you get the picture - just to see how long the person will wait for me.