An Open Letter to Beer Snobs: Shut Up and Drink

Dear Beer Snob,

Dude, what the hell? There you were, in my house, eating my sandwiches and watching my TV when I offered to get you one of my beers, which, by the way, were in my refrigerator. You could have simply taken it, but you had to bring down the party with the most disgusting display of beer snobbery ever seen.

"What is that, Miller Lite? No THANKS! I don't drink beers that aren't imported."

Slap yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good pale ale or stout every now and then, and there's nothing better than some fine German ales. Beer, after all, is beautiful for its many flavors and styles. Frankly, it's one of the most beautiful things in the world.

But if you think I'm going to drive thirty miles to a high-end liquor store every time I want a six pack, you're mistaken.

Look, there's something great about the cheap beers. Coors Light, Budweiser, and yes, even Pabst Blue Ribbon beers have enough flavor to make a football game better. And sometimes, I don't have time to focus all of my attention onto the specific attributes of the particular beer I'm swilling, especially when my attention's supposed to be on the friggin' game.

Your position is ridiculous on this issue. I know that you know a lot about beer, okay? And yes, maybe your taste buds are advanced enough to tell the difference between a beer brewed in Germany and a beer brewed in Austria. Very impressive. A golf clap for you. But you're at my house, not a German bar, and you don't get a choice. And there's absolutely no excuse for looking down your nose at a free beer being offered to you, even if it's Natural Light.

We live in a country that's founded on freedom of thought, but beer snobbery should really fall outside of those lines. It's just silliness. I mean, dude, don't you understand? Beer is supposed to be something that brings men together, not something that tears them apart. There's no excuse for believing that pleasure from drinking a cold beer is only possible if the beer came from Germany, or if it has a fancy name or high pedigree. Man, there's nothing wrong with a Keystone Light every now and then!