Toddler Tantrums: A Sign of Love

Parents usually look forward to the day when they get some visible sign of love from their precious little bundles. An "I love you" sign goes a long way to making changing dirty diapers and wiping up fermented stomach contents feel a whole lot more meaningful.

Your newborn will stare hard at your face like he's trying to memorize it. And he is. Newborns recognize their parents' faces very quickly. Several months later, he will whimper or cry when he sees you leave the room. That means that he is aware of you as a person, and likes to be around you. That's how a baby learns to love you.

Your preschooler will draw a picture just for you, even if it is on the hallway wall. Your preschooler will pick you a flower, give you a kiss or tell you that you are beautiful. A preschooler will want you to "watch" over and over as he learns a new skill. And he will probably ask you to praise him when he is cooperative around the house. That's how a preschooler shows you that he loves you, and values your good opinion.

And how does a toddler show you that he loves you and values you and wants to be with you? Well, he may stomp and scream and throw himself wailing to the floor.

According to some developmental psychologists, a tantrum from a toddler is kind of a like a lovers' quarrel. They are only capable of that level of intense meltdowns because they love you so much. Those screaming and stomping fits are proof of the bond you have built over the past 18 months. In fact, even though much of a toddler's time is spent fighting for more independence, the bond between you and your youngster is even closer at this stage.

Sign of love or not, tantrums from your angel baby are disconcerting. It's especially hard when these displays are in public, as they usually are, because we imagine that other people are watching and critiquing our parenting or our children. A few tips about handling these common active displays of frustration and anger can help.