A Survival Guide for Those Dating Someone With a Child
raksha
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Dating someone who has a child brings with it a whole new level of responsibility and commitment. How do you proceed once the relationship turns serious? Here, a few general tips.
1. You're Not One of the Parents. 
This should go without saying, but sometimes it's not as easy as it sounds. Once you move forward into a "serious" relationship with someone who has a child, the child will become part of your life. If you live with your partner, chances are you'll live with the child as well. While this may result in your taking on some "parental" responsibilities (read: pickups and dropoffs, bedtimes and wakeups, staying in at night to watch the child, etc.), it's important to keep a certain measure of perspective in how you interact with the child, whether he or she is a toddler or a teenager. Perhaps one day the child will come to know you as his or her "other mom" or "other dad" - but it's not your place to demand this. Depending on age and upbringing, the child may be well aware of this fact and resent your presence in his or her life. Expect a fair measure of "I don't have to listen to you, you're not my mom/dad."
2. But You Do Have a Say.
However, you do deserve and should require respect as an authority figure. To gain this, you and your partner should define definite rules and maintain them at all times. Rules should be explained to the child early on and enforced by both you and your partner. It may be beneficial to have your partner explain to his or her child that you are an equal authority. Then you must establish yourself as that authority. You may be tempted to let the child slide on a few rules. Don't do it. You're not going to earn brownie points for being a pushover. This will only tell the child he or she doesn't have to respect you. Develop a clear system of rewards and consequences, and stick to it. Discipline isn't easy for anybody, but you won't succeed in getting the child to follow the rules if you can't follow them yourself.
3. Don't Play Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
1. You're Not One of the Parents.
This should go without saying, but sometimes it's not as easy as it sounds. Once you move forward into a "serious" relationship with someone who has a child, the child will become part of your life. If you live with your partner, chances are you'll live with the child as well. While this may result in your taking on some "parental" responsibilities (read: pickups and dropoffs, bedtimes and wakeups, staying in at night to watch the child, etc.), it's important to keep a certain measure of perspective in how you interact with the child, whether he or she is a toddler or a teenager. Perhaps one day the child will come to know you as his or her "other mom" or "other dad" - but it's not your place to demand this. Depending on age and upbringing, the child may be well aware of this fact and resent your presence in his or her life. Expect a fair measure of "I don't have to listen to you, you're not my mom/dad."
2. But You Do Have a Say.
However, you do deserve and should require respect as an authority figure. To gain this, you and your partner should define definite rules and maintain them at all times. Rules should be explained to the child early on and enforced by both you and your partner. It may be beneficial to have your partner explain to his or her child that you are an equal authority. Then you must establish yourself as that authority. You may be tempted to let the child slide on a few rules. Don't do it. You're not going to earn brownie points for being a pushover. This will only tell the child he or she doesn't have to respect you. Develop a clear system of rewards and consequences, and stick to it. Discipline isn't easy for anybody, but you won't succeed in getting the child to follow the rules if you can't follow them yourself.
3. Don't Play Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
- You'll have a new role as an authority figure in the child's life.
- You must learn to maintain a balance of rules and discipline, even though you're not a parent.
- The situation will have its ups and downs and awkward moments.