How to Choose a Dog as a Fashion Accessory

You've seen them on the runways, in cars with stars, and even in famous restaurants; miniature dogs being used as fashion complements by stars like Paris Hilton.

Some would call this a moral atrocity, a shameless use of an animal to achieve fashionista status without any care for the animal's well being whatsoever.

I call it brilliant! Dogs, after all, have always been great fashion statements--just ask Berlington Coat Factory or most of China. Now that the dogs are being kept alive AND fashionable, it should be a solution everyone can agree on!

If you're thinking about getting a Yorkshire terrier with your next hat, here are some fashionable tips to keep in mind.

1. Pick a small dog.
Nobody likes a big husky dog, especially when there are so many adorable smaller breeds around. In fact, maybe we should breed all dogs for size for a while until they get small enough to fit into purses and little doggy carrier bags. We can treat them like cell phones; the smaller, the more fashionable, and therefore the better. Remember, nobody likes a big dog but hunters and outdoorsmen, and they aren't fashionable this year.

2. Accessorize your dog.
Try a little hat or some kind of a dog sweater. People will see this and instantly hate you, which is very fashionable; some of the biggest celebrities are hated by absolutely everyone they meet or come into contact with, and it's not coincidence; hate is in this season, and nothing helps you get that to you better than mistreating a small animal by slowly and methodically humiliating it.

3. Give your dog a really, really gay name.
I mean GAY. So gay that the dog is automatically enrolled in Cirque de Soleil. Something like "Ethan" isn't good enough; try "Mr. Wibble-wobble" or "Lil' Vincent St. Lovingly". A name so sweet that anyone who hears it automatically has to have a limb amputated from suddenly onset diabetes. We're not messing around here. Get serious with your fashion.