Warning: Do Not Feed the Soccer Moms!!

"Life is not always perfect, that's why there's Walgreens." Walgreens drug store has been masked under this slogan for quite sometime. Little do people know that Walgreens is no where near perfect. This "one stop shop" contains monsters beyond the capacity of the human brain. As a Walgreens employee, I find it my duty to humanity to warn any future shoppers or employees about the two main species of shoppers at our store: the mini van driving soccer moms, and the senile elderly generation.

Let's first take a dive into the different shopping companions these beasts bring into our store. Soccer moms bust through the automatic sliding doors heavily armed with a struggling child in each arm. They trudge through the store with remarkable grace. If their child should even make eye contact with a candy bar this vicious vixen's eyes will glaze red as she shouts, "No!! You can not have candy! We eat nutritious food!!" Frequently, the Adkins-bar-consuming-monsters will attempt to persuade their pudgy, bald, bundle of joy to talk to the already irritated employees. "Come on sweetie, say hello to the nice cashier." Confrontations such as these are incredibly sickening. These neurotic women act as if their offspring are going to spit out their opinions on the theories of Aristotle, and how his theory of a Geocentric Universe was complete crap.

The next species of shopper, "the old person", has a slightly less annoying companion. The old folks roam the store latched on to their wrinkled, pruned faced life partners. For old ladies, it is crucial to bring their spouse for physical support. Without them, the sound of broken hips and fractured kneecaps would fill the air. Most of the time the pitiful old people are too deaf to hear anything you have to say. They won't even try to talk to you; they will just smile and nod. Occasionally, a tragedy occurs when two ancient spouses become separated in the store. Their 5 minute stop evolves into an all day event as they try to locate each other at an amazing, backwards like speed.