DIETING: The Most Annoying Trend EVER

Dieting is a joke. Oh the money they have made off of us. "If you just do this for 8 days, you'll lose 40 lbs." "Lose weight quick, drink our tonic." "Take this pill and your fat will just melt away."

Stop it.

Dieting will never work long term. If you're on a diet, have fun gaining back that extra 20 lbs in a few months. You should probably keep those larger clothes otherwise you'll have to buy some more.

If diets really worked would there be so many of them available to you? The South Beach diet. The Weight Watchers program. Jenny Craig. Nutrisystem. Slim Fast. Diet for your blood type. Diet for your body type. Cabbage diet. Atkins Diet. No Sugar diet. The Hollywood diet. The Evil Cupcake Diet.

I bet there is one called The Evil Cupcake Diet. If not, maybe I should create it. That's a good idea. Just eat cupcakes the rest of your life. Have one for each meal. The weight will come right off.

Disclaimer: With The Evil Cupcake Diet, or TECD, you will lose a lot of weight in the form of water and muscle. Please don't exercise. It will make you sweaty and tired. Make sure to only eat one cupcake per meal. Cupcakes can be made out of anything you like. If you are in to that whole "veggie" thing, you can put vegetables in it too. You agree not to sue or slander TECD when all of the weight you lost, and more, is gained back. It's your fault you fell for our diet.

The 50s were good; people ate at home for the most part, portions were smaller, and there was this thing people used to do. It was called MOVING. We don't move anymore. That's why we have to pencil in time at the gym like hamsters that need a running wheel. Our muscles are sluggish and depressed. They've lost the will to move. People work out for what, maybe an hour? PHEW! That's crazy. Get on with your bad self.

The meal replacement diets are the best. If you're on one of those, you have absolutely no will power. Those shakes only have about 200 calories in them. Not much for a full meal, but if you wanted to just eat real food you could replace your meal replacement shake with a yogurt, a granola bar or some grilled chicken.