How to Not Get a Job

Today, with an abundance of jobs out there, instead of getting a job I will tell you how not to get one. I know what you are saying, not getting a job, that's easy, all you have to do is lay around. Not so, not gaining employment is one of the toughest things to do.

For starters, do not, under any circumstances awake before noon. Most people wake up early to go to work because most jobs are 9-5. You do not want a job, so alleviate most all of your options by not getting up in time for a regular job.

Hopefully, you have very limited job experience and virtually no education. This too will narrow your no job search. With no experience or education your only choice is to work at a fast food place. They only hire felons, 15 year olds, and the mildly retarded and/or the uneducated. If you have no felonies, and not underage, retarded or stupid, you are on the right track.

But what if someone is pressuring you to get a job? "Get up Bob, get a job, our baby needs food!" Now you have leisured around too long. It's time to "try" and find a job. Buy a newspaper, look in the classifieds for jobs, act like you are reading the paper. Say something like "oh snap, they're hiring at the steel mill."

Your next step in "trying" to get a job is filling out an application. Remember, if there's anything that you want, it is not a job. The first place employers look is at your job history. Try to have strange gaps of missing time in your job history. Only working for one month at the place before being fired for urinating in the coffee is a sure fire way to not get hired.

References are another thing. Put down people that do not like you as a reference. If need be try to severely anger someone before you put them down as a reference. That way they will try to get you back by talking bad about you. If they only knew you didn't want a job.

Another sure fire way to not get the job is when the application asks you your sex, you reply with sometimes or virgin instead of male or female.