Does Spanking Equal Discipline?

"We think badly, and even perceive badly, or not at all, when we are anxious or afraid... when we make children afraid, we stop learning dead in it's tracks." John Holt

Often when I mention my stance against spanking children I am told what a disservice I am doing my children. People tell me over and over again how choosing not to discipline my children will cause them to grow up as dishonest, lazy, rude, and selfish adults. Each time I can not help but look confused at the assumption that by choosing not to spank that I also am choosing not to discipline my children. Where did the myth that spanking is the only way come from, and how soon can we make it stop?

Whenever anyone chooses to do something that falls outside the mainstream ideas in America they can expect criticism and scrutiny. Mothers who breastfeed often hear that everything from the common cold to fussiness and more is caused by breastfeeding. If the baby is big, little, sleeps a lot, hardly sleeps, or has colic there is someone ready to point out that breastfeeding is the cause. Parents who homeschool often hear how that is to blame for every tantrum, bad mood, and tired day. When a public schooled child argues with his parents it is often looked at as typical for the age, but when a homeschool child does the same there are more than enough people jumping in to tell you how homeschooling is causing the child's attitude and a host of other assorted "problems" that they perceive. I have heard people say that a premature baby was caused by using a midwife rather than a doctor, that bossy toddler was so because his parents co-slept, and that a broken arm was from a weakened body by choosing not to vaccinate. It seems that no matter what the issue is if you choose to step outside the comfortable norms that most people hold there will be someone ready to point out that your unusual choice is to blame.