A Humurous Online Marketing Glossary

Starting an online business these days is a scary business. Everywhere you look, there is an amazing opportunity that is guaranteed to produce seemingly incredible amounts of monthly income. Are these claims genuine, or just a figment of someone's vivid imagination?

Unfortunately, truth in advertising and professional ethics have become digitally extinct. The bottom line is sales and lining the bank accounts of some obscure person you probably wouldn't trust to feed your cat. Anonymity is not only the key to the success of many, it is also the boon of many a starry-eyed opportunity seeker.

It seems that the "gurus" or professional online marketers have their own lingo. It's a bit like learning a new language, but if you are just starting out, it may be helpful to know the "true" meanings of the terms you are sure to see.

Auto-pilot-The only thing that runs on autopilot is the draining of your bank account with the recurring monthly fee schedule buried in the fine print. Translation: income taxes

Autoresponder-another way for the guru to make you think your special. Immediate response is translated into personal attention for the requested information. Translation: Answering machine

Blog-A way to advertise your product every day. Translation: Diary of a Used Car Salesman

Free-Come on. Nothing, especially on the Internet is free. It will at least cost you your e-mail address. How else would they be able to offset the cost of contacting you to sell you something at a later date?
Translation: Free isn't

Guarantee-You can get your money back assuming you can locate the person you gave it to in the first place. Translation: Good Luck

Guru-An unscrupulous internet professional who has a proven track record of selling to newbies. He knows how to hype up and rehash old information to create the latest and greatest program to sell to the people who bought his/her last failed opportunity. These are the only people truly making money in Internet marketing. Translation: Used Car Salesman