An Agnostic Search for God

I have always maintained the presumption of addressing God directly. Recently I told him that my animosity toward him is over and that I hold no grudges and I asked that he do likewise. Like most alcoholics I have had a rough childhood relationship with the maker. Unlike most fallings out with God, however, I have never been angry over any failure on his part to answer my requests. While I do occasionally speak to the Lord, I do not ask him for things. I understand that there is no nobility in being the recipient of divine charity nor do I think that God is Santa Claus, at my beck and call to gratify my petty material whims. No my prior disputes with the master of all creation stemmed from his job description as I understood it.

My entire life I have heard many of the great tenets of organized religion. The God of my childhood was an angry figure. God created the universe and everything in it, including me. I belonged to God. I was part of His plan. I owed God only worship and I was to love Him more than I loved anyone or anything including my parents, my wife, my children and myself. I heard endlessly how imperfect and small I was and how great He is. I, of course, as many Catholics do, reacted with utter repugnance toward this litany of misanthropic sanctimonious mumbo jumbo. Of course, I strongly caution you, these principles are probably not exactly what religious figures and scriptures were trying to tell me. They are merely what I heard.