How NOT to Impress the Ladies

If you're anywhere near this article, then you're probably coming face-to-face with a few problems that many men like you share. Either you're simply too good looking to deal with all of the female attention that is being tossed your way or you happen to be the only decent guy within a 40 mile radius. Either way, a guide on how NOT to please the ladies is something you need to seriously consider. Unlearning everything about etiquette and respectability isn't a feasible task, but there are some minor things that you can do to send the ladies flying into another direction.

Pass Gas While not everyone women in the world is vehemently opposed to displaying flatus in public, a rampant display of flatulence is bound to land you in anyone's dog house. You should be aware of the power of your own gas, as passing too much will alert more than just the female you're trying to push away. If you're a bit bolder, there's always the full frontal method in belching like a raving lunatic. Belching may not carry the deadly aroma of a fart, but it is directly noticeable and there's no delayed realization as to what just happened.

The Check What check? You mean that little piece of paper that they brought around while she was using the bathroom and you were busy sneaking out? It's not like you brought money to begin with, right? Right. If she doesn't have to use the bathroom, you use the men's bathroom and try to weasel your way out of the window. It may take her a little while, but she'll get the point.

Hygiene No woman in the world is worth NOT impressing enough for you not to take a shower. So however repulsive it may be (which is usually want you want) shower daily. However, you can go ahead and skip on the deodorant and give her a huge hug when you meet up. A lack of adequate toothpaste and few words starting with the infamous letter H and she probably won't make it past the greetings. As for shaving, it goes without saying that opinions on facial hair vary wildly and your best bet is to go for the caveman look.

Attire Not much to explain here, just dress like a bum. Don't match. Just dress like a 7-year-old who just had his first chance to pick out his own clothing.