How to Achieve Intimacy in Your Marriage: Guide to Romance After the Children Come

The first few years after marriage are often set aside by a couple as "get to know each other" years, when they are able to just enjoy the romance and learning to know one another. These are the years when a couple will enjoy travel and take spontaneous overnight weekend trips to a variety of locations-there is no shortage of romantic getaways. Couples will have fun making dinner together, going out with friends, and entertaining. Then the children arrive.

For couples who are used to spending a lot of intimate, romantic time together, it may be a shock to see how much a little six or eight pound crying baby can change their lives. The woman may be adjusting from working to staying-at-home. Both of them will be getting used to the perpetual lack of sleep. It is now not so easy for them to go out (even for dinner), shop, or travel together-let alone have sex.

How can they keep the romance alive after the child/children come? As a married mom of two little boys under the age of five, let me offer a few tested and time-proven suggestions:

1. Keep doing the "little things" for each other. Moms, do not let yourself go just because you are staying at home. You do not have to put on a dress, pearls and heels like June Cleaver; just get up and get dressed (even if it's jeans and a sweatshirt) in something other than pajamas. Shower and fix your hair, and try to stay attractive for your man. Guys, understand that your wife is probably exhausted sometimes, and pick up dinner for her so she does not have to cook, or even cook a meal for her. Offer to clean the house, and do not leave your laundry everywhere.

Do not forget to buy each other romance cards or write love notes. My husband and I use my four year old son's bath crayons to write each other romantic or thoughtful messages on the shower walls. It sounds a little funny, but it helps us to stay connected.