The Effects of Middle Child Syndrome

The Effects of Middle Child Syndrome

February 19, 2007 by
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Always Stuck in the Middle

It sucks being the middle child. Even though I am pushing 40 years old, the effects of being the middle child still linger with me to this day. I know my parents love me but I am always, and have always been, the least appreciated out of us three children.

Middle child syndrome is very real. I know because I live it on a daily basis. The middle child often feels that they don't belong. The first-born sibling is put on a pedestal and the youngest sibling gets away with the most. The middle child is just - there. There are the least number of
 pictures of the middle child and the middle child has to work harder in order to be noticed.

Some studies say that middle children do not like to take the limelight and that they are not overachievers. I have found this theory to be false. As a middle child, I was always an overachiever in everything I did and I craved attention. I pushed myself extremely hard and had to excel in everything I did so my parents would notice me. Even if they didn't, others would congratulate me and reward me for my accomplishments.

Middle children tend to be very creative and artistic. I have found this to be true in my situation. I have always been gifted with a musical talent that I embraced as a child. I used my talent and excelled in all musical aspects in school. Music was the one area in my life where I was secure. I knew that I was good and music became my safe haven. Even though I excelled in this area, I still wasn't good enough to earn the acceptance of my parents. My older sibling's activities and my younger sibling's lack of interest in activities is what they focused their attention on.

Even as adults, things have not changed. My younger sibling and I went through a divorce at the same time. My parents depended on me to help my younger sibling and they were so focused on his problems, they forgot that I was going through the same thing.

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I couldnt agree more. I am now age 33 and suffering under an unchangeable fact- I am the middle of 3 children. I can fully associate with your feeling. When I was young, I always drove myself to prove. Yes, I am achiever and it became part of my personality. Sometimes, I felt I have lost my own identity. In fact, now both of my siblings have settled down and moved on with life, I felt myself stuck. Both of my siblings are logical people and they often could not understand my emotional side. So that makes me a weirdo in my family. Because of this fact, I wondered I had suffered low self-esteem even though people around me commented I have not done terrible in life. Wonder if anyone has the same feelings and what can we do about it?
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Posted on 06/16/2009 at 1:06:26 AM

I am a middle child and pushing 40 also. I can totally relate!!!! To answer your question, Chris, please take care to not let your other two get away with more and take the middle child seriously especially when he/she wants to talk. Don't let the issues of the other two become more important than your middle child. As they grow, if you decide to help...spread the help/money/love fairly. Don't assume he will be strong enough to make it. He may be, but don't let your knowing or assuming that keep you from still helping or letting him know you are there.
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Posted on 06/12/2009 at 9:06:17 AM

So if I may ask ? I'm 32 with 3 kids 10, 8 ,2 I have read all your testimonials it's very sad. In reading these I think my 8yr old has middle child syndrome he is acting out very baddly and now pooping his pants. There seems to be alot of testimonials out there but no real fixes, is the only fix just spend more time. We've been tring that for sometime now and it just dosn't seem to work. So if I may ask from 1 or all, if you could tell your parents something that they should have done to help what would it have been?
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Posted on 05/27/2009 at 11:05:46 PM

I thought that all of the childhood issues would get better as we got older but they still seem the same. I too moved farthest away from my parents. My mom and older sister are always getting together to hang out and I am never included. I find out about all of their excursions from their Facebook pages. I am certainly not an overachiever, it would not really matter if I was, I still would get little to no notice. I have given up seeking my parent's notice, as hard as it is to keep calling them looking for attention. My older sister has always been the favorite even after all the terrible things she did to me growing up. She is still terrible to me at times even though we are both in our 30s.
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Posted on 05/19/2009 at 6:05:16 PM

"As a middle child, I was always an overachiever in everything I did and I craved attention. I pushed myself extremely hard and had to excel in everything I did so my parents would notice me." Yeah, that's how I was as a kid, and as an adult. But a funny thing happened along the way, I became strong and independent, and respected by my parents. While I thought I was the odd one out, my siblings saw me as the white sheep in a black sheep family!lol You wrote a great article. I would tell you to talk to your parents about how you felt and still feel. You would be surprised at how little they probably realize, until you point it out.
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Posted on 05/09/2009 at 3:05:32 AM

These comments are so true. I'm also a middle child, my little sister is 11 years old, while my twin sister is 1 minute older then me. Even with that small minute she still considers herself the oldest. Anyway they fight constantly. I'm the one who ends up having to take sides or end the fight and I'm getting really sick of it. If any of you heard of the book The Outsiders I can consider myself Sodapop, who ends up being torn in two because he wants everyone to get along. Being the middle child, I was always compared to my sisters. Weather it's grades with my older sister, who is practically a straight A student or if it's my little sister and her dancing. I feel like it's my fault my sisters are like this because I always gave praise to my older twin sister for things she did and babyied my little sister. Now I'm about ready to crack because they feel like I'm the one they should tell their problems to instead of our parents. And my parents aren't always a great help either. One time
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Posted on 04/25/2009 at 7:04:57 PM

I'm past 40 now, and have come to accept the middle child deal. Actually, it's kind of nice here in the middle. I did always hate being a mediator between the other two always fighting, but in the end, I got a lot of time to self reflect. And I've come to terms with not always being noticed. So what? I have learned to be satisfied with what I can accomplish on my own. I don't really want others shining a light on me. I'd kind of rather be behind the scenes or in the shadows doing things that make a real difference. I mean, if you're doing something for just the self glory alone, yeah, you'll be disappointed. If you have a heartfelt reason that means something to you and is helping somebody or something change for the better, then who cares if anybody is looking when you do it? Be satisfied. Be happy. Enjoy the climb in the tree, the walk on the beach, the beauty in a sunset. And help those who are helpless or need hope and cannot find it alone. I think the middle is the best place ever
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Posted on 04/24/2009 at 10:04:04 AM

This article is really incredible. I'm 17 and my other 2 brothers are 11 and 19. The older one just went to college. He was the social and outgoing one who was obnoxious and always got the girls. my little brother still thinks he's a baby. It seems that my parents still think so to. He also has a lot of friends. I've always been the outcast who's a bit more timid and dorky. I love video games and movies. When I told my dad that I was joining the D & D club at my school. Him and my older brother just flat out insulted me and said that it was the nerdiest thing ever. That night, I just ran to my room and cried myself to sleep.
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Posted on 04/23/2009 at 4:04:49 PM

I'm only seventeen and doing a speech on middle child syndrome because i suffer from it too. my brother is the baby, 14, and he has a learning disability that he doesn't care about but my whole family does. My sister is 20, and perfect. Straight A student, 4.0 GPA, 32 on her ACTS. My dad favorites my sister because she's so perfect and my mom favorites my brother because of his learning disability. It may sound childish and selfish of me, but if he doesn't care about it and it doesn't effect him, why are they wasting their time when im publishing poems and it feels as if they don't even care. I love my parents but there isn't a third one for me.
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Posted on 04/22/2009 at 5:04:37 AM

It is very difficult to read an article like this while thinking to yourself "wow I could have wrote this". My brother is a year older than me and my sister is going to be 21 and the treatment difference is still there. I am a proud parent of a little girl. Right or wrong I decided to only have one child because I didn't want to put a child through what I had to go through growing up. And as for the comment made about a pitty party. You are obviously not a middle child, and I'm sorry but no parent out there can truly say that they treat all of their children equal because if they did then "MCS" would be a thing of the past.
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Posted on 04/20/2009 at 5:04:20 AM

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