The Effects of Middle Child Syndrome

Always Stuck in the Middle

By WD, published Feb 19, 2007
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It sucks being the middle child. Even though I am pushing 40 years old, the effects of being the middle child still linger with me to this day. I know my parents love me but I am always, and have always been, the least appreciated out of us three children.

Middle child syndrome is very real. I know because I live it on a daily basis. The middle child often feels that they don't belong. The first-born sibling is put on a pedestal and the youngest sibling gets away with the most. The middle child is just - there. There are the least number of pictures of the middle child and the middle child has to work harder in order to be noticed.

Some studies say that middle children do not like to take the limelight and that they are not overachievers. I have found this theory to be false. As a middle child, I was always an overachiever in everything I did and I craved attention. I pushed myself extremely hard and had to excel in everything I did so my parents would notice me. Even if they didn't, others would congratulate me and reward me for my accomplishments.

Middle children tend to be very creative and artistic. I have found this to be true in my situation. I have always been gifted with a musical talent that I embraced as a child. I used my talent and excelled in all musical aspects in school. Music was the one area in my life where I was secure. I knew that I was good and music became my safe haven. Even though I excelled in this area, I still wasn't good enough to earn the acceptance of my parents. My older sibling's activities and my younger sibling's lack of interest in activities is what they focused their attention on.

Even as adults, things have not changed. My younger sibling and I went through a divorce at the same time. My parents depended on me to help my younger sibling and they were so focused on his problems, they forgot that I was going through the same thing.

 
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Middle child syndrome is not a myth.

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Takeaways
  • I know my parents love me but I have always been the least appreciated of their children.
  • Middle child syndrome is very real. I know because I live it on a daily basis.
  • Even as adults things haven't changed much in our family.
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as a middle child, I too have faced these problems. I also agree with your statement with under achievement though there are some stages in my life where i did excel and some where i did not really care. I am happy for you that you have found an outlet that made you individual, unfortunatly for me when i was doing very well with piano lessons my parents grouped me with my other two siblings. Their reason was because of convenience, I have never forgave them for that since they took away the one thing that made me unique for a shorter drive too and from my lessons. So then my work ethic for piano instantly fell and i quit lessons.

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Posted on 05/08/2008 at 11:05:02 PM

 
Good read. Unfortunately, middle child syndrome does exist, and I am a victim of it. I'm # 2 out of 4, but for 10 years it was out of 3, and my younger brother being born only furthered my spot as the middle child. The theory itself stands strong for me. My parents compare me to my other siblings a lot. I'm the most intelligent in my family by far with high test scores, but bad grades. I lack the ambition that my oldest sister has, but she, along with everyone else in my family, knows that I am smarter than her, along with my parents. My younger sister got a lot of attention through her outlet, which was dance. My family is a family of dancers in general, but my mother pushed my sisters into it until ends meet. My parents really never drove me to do much of anything, nor did they pay attention to many of the things I was most passionate in. I am very artistic. I draw, write, sing, play piano, and a lot of other things, that my siblings are not exactly into. I get compared to my s

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Posted on 05/01/2008 at 11:05:52 PM

 
I have always known about the Middle Child Syndrome and have tried really hard to not stand out to show my feelings of being neglected by my parents. Favortism was always prevalent and the feelings cannot get pushed down forever. I have learned to distance myself from my immediately family because it is much more liberating to be removed from the constant reminders. I love my siblings and parents, but I do not like them. I have become a much more confident and independent person by making this decision and it took 42 years. The family doesn't understand my situation as they have never really taken the time to ask. By speaking up and trying to voice my frustration was quickly squashed. I am finally being heard by not being present. I'm not trying to get back at them, but to save myself from constantly feeling inadequate. This is not the path for everyone, but for me I feel free to live surrounded by positive and loving people. Sometimes you have to make a decision to change or

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Posted on 03/22/2008 at 1:03:05 PM

 
Yes thank you so much for this article. I think my parents did good with their 5 kids. Actually 6, but the age gap is like 16 years between the oldest and youngest. So there were 5 kids for the longest. I was very interested in learning music and fashion designing when I was younger. But my parents discouraged me and urged to excel like my two oldest sisters (who I really love to death and both are MDs). But now being an accountant, I do appreciate THEIR encouragement. But yes, we were ignored. Glad I had my aunties and granma :) !!!!

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Posted on 03/18/2008 at 7:03:13 PM

 
Yes thank you so much for this article. I think my parents did good with their 5 kids. Actually 6, but the age gap is like 16 years between the oldest and youngest. So there were 5 kids for the longest. I was very interested in learning music and fashion designing when I was younger. But my parents discouraged me and urged to excel like my two oldest sisters (who I really love to death and both are MDs). But now being an accountant, I do appreciate your push. But yes, we were ignored. Glad I had my aunties and granma :) !!!!

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Posted on 03/18/2008 at 7:03:10 PM

 
Thank you for sharing this article. I am a middle child myself, this article gives me a much deeper meaning to why I feel the way I do. Middle child Syndrome is very real, and very hurtful. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one that feels this way! Arigatou Gozaimasu!

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Posted on 03/02/2008 at 11:03:19 PM

 
Thanks for sharing this article/ I'm a middle child of 3 boys and can relate to this but although I found it hard when I was younger I'm far more independent than anyone I know and I wouldn't want it any other way

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Posted on 02/24/2008 at 7:02:06 AM

 
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm also a middle child that has always been the overachiever needing attention. I do not get recognized at all as being one with needs. My mom passed a few years ago and my dad is seventy one. Being only thirty two myself I'm in still in much need of being parented. I do worry that day will not come. I feel very unattached to almost everyone and I have no sense of belonging. The middle child syndrome is very real and very hurtful. Thank you again for a piece of your life in order better someone elses.

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Posted on 01/27/2008 at 8:01:43 PM

 
i'm proud that being a middle child helped me to be independent.

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Posted on 01/05/2008 at 10:01:28 PM

 
Yeah am feelin it am a middle child and have a sister 6 years younger so she is definatly treated like a baby and gets everythin she asks for plus gets away with murder, everytime I do somethin good the convo turns to how good my older sister did on her exams or whatever so theres no point I just get on with it and do things for me now granted i'd still appreciate some attention but it's not gonna happen i've tried for to long!!

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Posted on 01/01/2008 at 2:01:09 PM

 
This is really interesting, but I don't completely buy it, namely because I think it's important to consider the *genders* of the children before drawing conclusions. I'm the middle child. BUT, I'm flanked by brothers. So in essence, I'm also an oldest, youngest and only child. I always knew that I was my mom's favorite, and my dad's least favorite. Oh, and I admit that I laughed aloud when I read about oldest siblings and pedestals, because my older brother was NO ANGEL, and he was never on a pedestal. Anyway, good article! Very thought-provoking.

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Posted on 12/24/2007 at 1:12:54 PM

 
This is helpful to an oldest child. Thanks for sharing.

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Posted on 12/22/2007 at 9:12:27 PM

 
middle child syndrome is totally true like i was trying to tell my mother about this website and she said it was fake and igored me and helped my sister with her art and went to go pick up my brother from hockey

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Posted on 12/17/2007 at 6:12:16 PM

 
I can see how each story of personality traits and characteristics would vary from person to person, but in all honesty, the main idea still rings true. Though every parent would love to deny the 'favoritism' factor; it does exist. In my case, as the middle child with an older sister and younger brother, it works perfectly for my parents, who each have their miniature counterparts. Though it should not be used as an excuse, I can vouch for the theory as I would argue the majority of others would in the situation - it is blatantly obvious the number of middle children psychologically affected (however mildly) by this theory, and it is simply unfortunate that these resentful feelings have to be carried not only through childhood but into later life.

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Posted on 12/01/2007 at 2:12:00 AM

 
I think this "theory" reads like a horoscope. It's general and varied, depending on whose article you read who authored it. Each middle child seems to make his or her story "fit" within the theory. How about this? Being a child isn't easy, but it teaches you coping skills. Every child faces his or her own hurdles in life. The best thing you can do is forgive your parents for not being perfect (no parent is), forgive yourself for not being perfect, and move on.

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Posted on 11/20/2007 at 2:11:00 PM

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