What NOT to Say to Someone Grieving a Miscarriage

It's often difficult to find the right words to comfort a friend or family member who is grieving a miscarriage. As with any situation in which someone has suffered a loss, it's important to choose your words carefully. Following are some things you should not say to someone you love who is grieving a miscarriage.

"You'll have another baby. You'll see."

While you might think you are being supportive and helping the woman grieving a miscarriage to look ahead to brighter days, this statement is not one that a woman who has lost a baby wants to hear.

"After my miscarriage, several friends and even family members told me not to worry because I would get pregnant again," says Gillian Zane, who lost her first baby nine weeks into the pregnancy. "I knew they were trying to comfort me, but it was as if they weren't acknowledging my loss. I had wanted that baby, and I had lost that baby. I needed to grieve the loss before I could think about getting pregnant again."

It's important to acknowledge that a baby, not just a pregnancy, was lost. This is often overlooked because, to others, possibly even the husband of a woman grieving a miscarriage, the baby might not have seemed quite real. But to the woman who was carrying that baby inside of her and experiencing the changes that pregnancy was causing in her body, he or she was a unique person-in-the-making who is no more.

"I know what you are going through."

If you have not lost a baby, please do not say this to a mother grieving a miscarriage. Just as with anything else in life, unless you've experienced it yourself, you simply do not know how it feels.

However, if you have had a miscarriage, and a large percentage of women have, it can be reassuring to a woman grieving a miscarriage to hear your story, especially if you've gone on to have more children.