Deployment Grief, II: Experiencing a Spouse's Military Deployment

Having survived the weeks and days before my military husband's first deployment, the next step was his actual leaving. My books on being a military spouse told me to expect depression and anger, eventually working into acceptance and a new sense of independence. So I expected great sadness and despondence when he left, and weeks of working to adjust. But, just like in pre-deployment, my experience was quite different than the books predicted.

We left the morning of his deployment with an air of excitement and anticipation, with a quiet sense of foreboding peeking out from behind. Whatever the day would eventually bring, at that moment if felt like an adventure. I drove him and his couch-crashing shipmate to the dock. I got out and kissed my husband good-bye, and pulled our daughter out of her carseat so he could say good-bye to her. Then I watched them walk down to get on the ship. I sat with a sad numbness, which did not surprise me. Then my daughter and I went to McDonald's. Not being a very god place to grieve, my attentions were instead on making sure my daughter ate something, and watching all the people in uniform come and go.

Our trip to McDonald's was just to waste time until the ship pulled out, so after a while we went back to the dock. More and more people arrived-other moms with young children, some young girlfriends and newly-weds, and a few parents of sailors. We watched as the ropes were untied and pulled up, and as the sailors lined the deck at attention as the ship pulled away. I was moved, but more so for the other families. Whether I was just so far into denial, or actually accepting of it all, I cannot tell you. But as the ship rounded the dock and headed into the bay, I allowed the tears to come. My husband was really leaving. But, I had to drive home, so I stopped the tears and left.

Saying farewell to my husband's ship.

Credit: Kate F.

Copyright: Kate F.