Found the Love of Your Life? How to Keep Him/Her

For my money, keeping love is harder than finding it, for a host of reasons.

Staying in love: Once the blush of new love has worn off, this is where the real work begins. That's what old timers mean when they say that marriage is work. And, whether you're married or not, staying put is easier said than done. Why?

Problems: When problems arise, the first reaction most of us have is to bolt. Staying and working through problems takes herculean efforts - that may, or may not, pay off over time.

BUT, it's worth it. I think many don't stay and work through problems because more often than not, it means taking a long, hard look at ourselves and changing some stuff.

A relationship is made up of two people. Rarely is one person to blame for 100% of the problems in a relationship. That means that we have to turn to the man/woman in the mirror and own our part in the relationship.

This can lead to all kinds of trouble - eg, dredging up past hurts, going into therapy, working through long-buried issues.

If you decide to stay and deal with your problems, you will be forever changed by them. The very essence of resolution is change. For example, if you and your significant other decide to go to therapy, once you complete this journey, you will be different people than when you went in - maybe significantly different people.

Will you still be in love? This brings me to my next point:

Decide to Stay in Love: While falling in love may be an accident, as the phrase implies, staying in love is a decision.

It may sound unromantic, planned and a bit businesslike, but staying in love is a decision you make every day - over and over and over again.

This is what some psychologists call real love. Why? When you think about leaving, but choose to stay - in spite of the fact that his messiness drives you crazy or her demands make you batty - that is real, mature love. You accept the responsibility of dealing with a situation where you have to compromise.

Compromise is possible only when you are mature enough to realize that not everyone gets what then want, when they want. So, every time you decide to stay put, even though you don't get your way, you're deciding to stay in love.