How to Help a Self-Injurer

Self-harm is confusing to a lot of people. If you have a family member or friend who hurts their body through cutting, burning, pulling his or her hair out, beating oneself, and/or interfering with the healing of wounds, you may not understand why they do it or how to help him or her. This article provides some suggestions on how to help someone you love who self-injures.

First, you need to identify your limitations and set boundaries. If you do not want your loved one to call you in the middle of the night, tell him or her that he or she can call you during the day for support, but you would appreciate if he or she did not call during night hours.

It is not reasonable or even feasible, however, to tell your loved one that you will not communicate with him or her if he or she does not stop self-harming. Giving ultimatums never works. Rather, not only will the ultimatum fail, your loved one might feel betrayed, angry, or sad that you asked him or her to comply with such an unreasonable request.

Of course, it is okay to encourage your loved one to seek professional help for self-injurious behavior. You are most likely not a professional and cannot provide the therapeutic support one needs to identify and resolve the underlying issues of self-harm.

You may not know a lot about individuals who self-harm or why they do it. Educating yourself will not only help you understand the behavior, it will help you lend greater, more effective support to your loved one. Self-Injury: You Are Not the Only One is a good place to begin educating yourself.

It is important that you remember that you should not take self-harm personally. Very rarely do self-injurers harm themselves to "get back" at someone. Instead, to gain insight into why someone is hurting oneself, ask him or her to tell you about how they were feeling before one self-harmed, what he or she were thinking, and if he or she can identify a precipitating event to the self-harm.