So, This is Menopause

Having heard "old wives tales" growing up, way long before I even knew what menopause was, or even the prelude to it, my feeling was that all women enter into Hades for several years at a certain point in their lives. Without exception, women became mad demons during that time.

As for my own personal reaction to all things involving normal bodily functions, I approach all of them in a most extreme fashion. And, always on the negative end of the scale. Therefore, I faced all of the major milestones in a woman's life in a decidedly unorthodox manner.

Upon entering the menstrual cycle of my life, I was totally unprepared. I was completely oblivious to this event and was as mad as a hornet when I was introduced to this "life long" event that was going to ruin my entire life. In time, of course, I dealt with it. I kept it a secrete from everybody but my mother. Since she was the one responsible for explaining this wondrous entrance into womanhood, mom was the one who had to bear the brunt of my monthly "attitude".

Time marches on. Along with the menstrual cycle, comes the pregnancy cycle. Again, I was completely unprepared for that phase of womanhood. Everybody else seemed to delight in the wonders of becoming a mother. They breezed through the nine months and the "easy" delivery as though it was a natural thing. Most even staying awake to witness the miracle of birth. Unfortunately, I did the nine months "hugging the porcelain" 24/7. We won't even discuss the delivery time that did not come close to as easy as "falling off a log", as I had been told.

It's amazing that the one true thing "they" told me was that time passes, and with it the memory fades. Thus, I did this a total of three times. I'm what is known as a slow learner.

Finally, years and years later, the last stage of this venture through womanhood was about to take place. This is the dreaded trip to Hades where the crazy witch emerges and strikes fear in the hearts of all those around her. At this point I am almost looking forward to spreading my wrath over everyone who ever even slightly hinted that growing up was going to be the most wonderful experience of my life. Oh, but wait..........!!