911 Calls from McDonald's Prove Darwin was Wrong About Natural Selection

It's a Fact and I Can Prove It

In the 19th century, Charles Darwin laid out his theory of natural selection. Honestly, it wasn't really his theory. It was his grand-father's and was handed down three generations before Darwin could support it with observations made while globe-trotting on The Beagle. The theory of natural selection is that a species best adapted to its environment will be the species that survives. For example, if all the food in your neck of the woods is hanging high in the trees, those with good climbing skills or really long necks will be the evolutionary winners.

Darwin was wrong and I can prove it. My counter argument to Darwin's natural selection theory is called the Stupid Gene theory. Here is my supposition. If Darwin was right, all the stupid people (and stupid animals for that matter) would have died out long ago. The Stupid Gene would have culled itself from the human herd. However, there are plenty of stupid people still hanging around and not by nooses unfortunately. More appear everyday. Indeed, they are breeding. Though natural selection struggles valiantly to kill these idiots off (see also the Darwin Awards), it just can't do so quickly enough.

Take for example today's latest idiot, Latreasa L. Goodman of Ft. Pierce, Florida. She is not smart enough to realize that 911 is there to take reports of life-threatening emergencies and not for complaining that McDonald's screwed up her McNugget order. Ms. Goodman called 911 three times exclaiming each time that her McNuggets were an emergency. When the police arrived, naturally, they cited idiot Goodman with abusing the 911 system.

If due to Ms. Goodman's monopolization of the 911 center, some other poor, intelligent chap died of a heart attack, this would only be icing on my Stupid Gene theory cake. I have no proof that happened, but will dance on Darwin's grave just the same. To add evidence that the Stupid Gene theory is correct, Ms Goodman survived her encounter with stupidity with only a fine. If Darwin was correct, she should have encountered death by cop.