What's Gotten into Britney Spears?

There has been so much buzz on the internet and seemingly everywhere else about Britney Spears and her strange behavior recently. The simple explanation is, while she was in rehab in Antigua and couldn't partake of her other vices, Britney and her roommate Lindsey Lohan pigged out on Peter Pan peanut butter, lot #2111. I'm not saying that there was anything kinky going on here, but with these two, you never know.

According to Britney Spears' handlers, Britney and Lohan were totally unaware of the contamination of their favorite brand of the product, made by Conagra. Because the outbreak was announced while the pair were in rehab, the duo were totally uninformed. Imagine that.

After Britney Spears checked out after only 24 hours, a maid at the rehab center reportedly retrieved the empty jars of Peter Pan and put them up for sale on Ebay. The bidding starts at $10, 000, according to sources.

When informed by an aide of an outbreak of salmonella, Lohan shrieked "what was he in for? Is this guy like, some kind of murderer?" When the aide replied, "no Lindsey, it's a genus of Gram-negative enterobacteria" Lohan retorted "like, it sounds icky!" When Britney Spears interjected "I thought salmonella was an Italian airline named after some actor" Lohan replied "no, stupid, that's Genitalia!"

This article is totally fictitious, (as far as I know). Any similarities to persons living or dead (or at least barfing their guts out from the PB) is strictly coincidental.