How it Feels to Have a Brother in Prison: A First Hand Account

Looking back, you remember all the glorious and joy filled times you experienced with your dearly beloved brother. Sad moments, happy moments, angry moments. Moments you wanted to kill your brother or wished he was never born, as well as moments you feel eternally grateful that you have your brother by your side. You remember his impish grin, spread out on his face like an over sized orange slice. You remember his loving eyes, his dark hair, creative abilities and crazy ideas. You remember how even though he was so popular and spent so much time surround by friends, he was always the one looking out for you, always there when things went wrong.

So now, you sit in your bedroom, on your bed, with hands in face and thinking. Over, and over and over again one single phrase runs through your mind... What went wrong?

You are now sitting in a court room. Not an over publicized court like you see on television, where there is a huge crowd with a whole set of jury. Just a small, proper court, with the judge at the front, the lawyers in the middle and the rest at the back. The lawyers are doing their thing, fighting using the power of words and evidence. Yet you do not hear what is happening, all those verses passed through their mouths. All you can think about is your brother. He is right behind you, so close, yet so far away. You look around and stare into his eyes that just say, "I am sorry." I am sorry - three simple words, yet mean the whole world to you. Still in the back of your head you hear a voice repeating over and over again, "What went wrong? Why did it turn out like this?"

Will you ever find out the answer? Maybe yes, maybe no, but for now, your spirit is too emotional, your mind is too clouded to think logically.

When the judge says the final sentence, you stare out in front. Wide eyed. No. No. Just no! This can't be! You turn around and look at your brother, yet he just stares blankly at you, tears forming in the edges of his eyes. Everything will be okay, he says. He was always the reassuring type, yet you call his bluff. Inside, he is torn apart... just like you are now.