Annoying Trends from Fall 2007 Fashion Week

What I Won't Be Wearing Come September

Some of the trends this year are a little scary. I didn't think it could get much worse than the shows last fall, with necklines that plunge mid-torso and lace leggings. Sure enough, the shows this spring came up with some even worse trends. My advice to the designers? Kill these trends before you draw the ire women all over the world.

1. Zippers, zippers zippers.
That classic metal fastener that for centuries have made jeans and dresses more functional is actually one of the hottest items on the runway this spring. Hip designer Derek Lam included zippers as an artistic element in most of his looks. Some go down the front like darts. Others are diagnol. I don't think oversized zippers add to the appearance of high fashion. All that metal makes classy, tailored business outfits look like a space uniform. Please....don't use a zipper unless it's needed to keep an outfit together. And perish the thought of oversized buttons.

2. Sheer dresses.
These are so practical - NOT. Can you imagine a Forbes 500 executive trading in his black Armani for a see-through button-down? Of course not. And you shouldn't expect women to wear those sheer smock dresses either. Even if they're over a tank dress, these look good on very few women; even those size 3 models don't pull it off well. Give us some real fabric, please.

3. Heavy Bangs
Let's not go back to elementary school. Heavy bangs make you look shorter, wider and limit your options on bad-hair days. Maybe we're not ready to go back to the big hair of the '80s, but please, please don't give us those flat, four-inch bangs that end just below the eyebrow.

4. Above-the-elbow gloves. Marc Jacobs
Marc Jacobs, whom I read is a very up-and-coming designer, included gloves of every sort (velvet, cotton, silk, sheer (of course) above-the-elbow gloves with many of his outfits. Why, pray tell, would we spend $40 on a manicure only to cover it up with bulky gloves? I foresee all kinds of problems with these: they sag, falling below the elbow; you'll lose one of the gloves the first time you wear them; and the gloves probably add at least $10 to the cost of cleaning your formal gown.