How to Stop Your Kids from Fighting with Each Other

Sibling rivalry is one thing. But do your kids actually go at it seemingly nonstop? Not necessarily with fists, but with hurtful words? Do they play cruel pranks on each other? Are you at the end of your rope and feel like knocking their heads into each other? Here are some fool-proof solutions to end the strife in your household.

Follow these steps and you should see some swift improvement in the way your kids interact with each other. Remember, getting them to behave, based on fear of your punishment, is not enough. They will eventually outgrow their fear of your wrath and anger. In other words, they must be motivated to get along based on how they feel about each other, not how they feel about your threats and punishments.

Step 1. As hard as this will be, you must give up your role as the referee. Otherwise, by always jumping into the battles, you cheat your kids out of learning how to resolve matters on their own. You must zip your lip and take some deep breaths next time you hear a fight coming on. This will take will power. When parents do get involved, this may intensify the hostile feelings, even though on the surface, the heat cools down because you're standing right there.

Kids might think you're taking sides, no matter how neutral you may try to be. Now, I don't suggest you totally block yourself off from the problem. From a distance, monitor the bickering and negative exchange, if only to make sure that the conflict does not become physical. In that case, if you step into the room and see the older child pinning the younger one on the floor, or the younger one atop the back of the older one and pulling his ear lobes, then yes, step in and pull them apart, and use your best judgment regarding just what to do next. Keep your cool. Kids learn by example.

Step 2. Keep a journal. It doesn't have to be complicated, but keep tabs on just what happens when-gasp!-you don't intervene for once. Do teeth really fly? Do vases get busted? Do fists go through drywall? You may be pleasantly surprised that your kids are actually starting to brainstorm with each other.