Bipolar Disorder and Structured Religion

Structured Religion's Effect on Bipolar Disorder

Every action has it own role to play, molding and shaping our lives as a sculptor with an ever-turning pottery wheel. One of the main shapers of my childhood was a constricting church environment. My peers dressed, talked and acted alike regardless of age, sex or race. Growing up in this atmosphere, I desperately tried to conform and was in constant worry of what people where thinking about me. I heard members judging and condemning each other, and condemning me.

In spite of my efforts, I was labeled weird and a problem child before I was ten. Nothing I tried seemed to work so I conformed even more by judging others openly. Still I remained an outcast.

I remember one instance when I had received a red 40's style dress with matching hat. I was twelve. I was so excited I wore it to church. Most of the kids my age thought it was pretty neat, they had never seen that kind of clothing outside of movies. The adults on the other hand, pulled my mother aside and reprimanded her for allowing me to wear red. From that day on I was labeled a harlot and most of the children were not allowed to play with me. Even at my young age I thought it was strange for the children to be more accepting than the adults.

My parents comforted me through it all but even with their support I felt I wasn't good enough. I was too fat, the wrong kind of pretty, my clothes were different and my hair didn't look like the preacher's daughters.

I would never be accepted into a Christian College looking the way I did. I would never be able to be a missionary. I couldn't serve God, or marry a good Christian man. What was I supposed to do with my life? To add to the mix, I was home schooled in a rural community from 3^rd -8^th grade. I had no idea what people outside the church were like.