How to Have Fun at the Grocery Store

Getting hit by a shopping cart full of various foodstuffs is never fun, but when your hips and toes get brutalized by these rectangular wheeled cages over and over you begin to forget why exactly you are in a grocery store. It becomes more of a sick game of dodge the carts powered by lethargic seniors and moms who have to constantly scrape their kid's hands off the shelves. Today was one of those days and I blame it on the fact that it is a weekend. Not only is it any weekend, but it is a holiday weekend where everyone runs to the store to gather whatever goods for whatever meal they plan on preparing.

I've never been a fan of going to any center of commerce (E.g. malls, grocery stores, etc.) on the weekends due to the vast amount of traffic and crowds that flock to these places like ants to dropped table scraps. It is much easier to go during the week and handle any business that needs to be taken care of, but I understand that many of the 9-5ers do not have such luxury. Most of these people are shot from a long week of work and shuffle about like lobotomy victims, which explains why I found myself getting struck by so many carts-and after each collision the person shuffled by with a fixed gaze and a little bit of drool on the corner of their mouth.

I'm sure people spend a good portion of their day in grocery stores and even malls on the weekend, always passing what they are looking for and never realizing it until they ask for assistance from one of the wandering clerks. The closest we've come to zombies is Shoprite at 11:30 in the morning on a Saturday. No one looks happy and no one exhibits any kind of life like qualities. Occasionally you'll catch a smile from another person who realizes they have made a terrible mistake by deciding to shop for food on a weekend, and similar to a zombie invasion that sign of other human life is always uplifting. But when the seawater boils down to just salt nothing will ever out weird my shopping experience of yesteryear.