How I was Date Raped and Drugged Part 1

This is very hard for me to write about. It has taken me years to actually put it down on paper. Maybe it will help me heal. Maybe it will help someone else too. I have looked at it from so many different angles. I thought I had dealt with it but it still haunts me. When I hear people toss around phrases so flippantly, like "responsible sex," and " a "woman's right," etc, it brings the rage back up to the surface.

My mother and father were very abusive. I don't mean that I was beaten a lot. I wasn't starved or kept in a cage or anything like that. I was terrified and threatened. I was backhanded and terrorized a lot as a child, but as I grew the physical abuse was minimal. I was humiliated and teased relentlessly. I was called names and accused and shamed continuously. My mother was an exhibitionist, and a pedophile, and she still makes my stomach turn. My father was less obvious.

I always said that my father, mentally, emotionally and verbally, and physically abused me but he never sexually abused me! I was very proud and adamant about that. But he abused me in ways that were very shaming and attacked my sexuality. I was twelve years old, and my cousin came home from college wearing make-up. I put on some eye shadow and mascara and proudly went downstairs and waited for my father to comment on my new found beauty.

Now you have to know that my mother was always made up like a whore. She wore, pancake make-up, bright red lipstick and bright red rouge on her cheeks, bright blue eye shadow, thick mascara, and drawn on eyebrows. Her hair was bleached out to a yellow blonde. She was the epitome of womanhood.

I waited silently, but eagerly for him to notice. He noticed all right. He looked up with venom in his eyes. His eyes were black and he looked like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear. He spat out at me with hate, and revulsion, " You get upstairs and wash that shit off of your face! You look like a f*kin who*e!" I didn't even know what a whore was.