Cholesterol, the Health Bandit -- Caught, Tried, Convicted and . . . Oops!

Kidnapped by outlaws in Guatemala, this unfortunate fellow was held prisoner in a cave for four months. During that time he was fed only hard-boiled eggs. And when he was released, he was healthier than before, lean and energetic. You'd think he had been on holiday. You see, since prisoner expenses weren't anticipated in the kidnappers' budget (kidnapping wasn't their core business), they fed him the cheapest stuff they had available: nature's perfect food, the much maligned huevo, or egg.

The mass media "nutritionists" still regard eggs as if they were a cutely packaged form of cyanide. Why? Because eggs are too damned cheap. The huge food companies want you to chow down instead on low-fat Pop Tarts, bad for your health but amazingly profitable.

But never mind them, enjoy all the omelets you want, and don't sweat moderation. Pretend it's your birthday. Ten eggs a day will clean your arteries and sharpen your memory. And don't forget those yummy yellow yolks (say that three times). Lots of good, healthy stuff in there.

"What stuff?" you might ask. Well, for starters: 13 essential vitamins and minerals including folic acid, lutein, vitamin B-12 and vitamin D. And, of course, the mother of all nutrients. "Which is what?" Well, we'll discuss that later; but I will say it has to do with fat, and you may be surprised at the answer. And speaking of fat, how about a steak, or pork chops, or ham for dinner? Crab, maybe? You know, the meaty, fatty treats that are supposed to make you a regular at the ER.

But they are actually the foods that have been keeping us healthy since caveman days. For our first million years, humans were hunters and gatherers (at least the conservative cavemen were; the liberal cavemen, excuse me, cavepersons, showed up to do their hair and tidy up in exchange for portions). They ate what Mother Nature had designed for them to eat. And who are we to question the forces of nature (Al Gore?). Of course the cavepersons' lifespan was only 16 years, but we're pretty sure this wasn't because of diet.