New York Times Headlines - the Retorts

NYT:
>Near Visit's End, Powell Dampens The Expectations

Don:
Also Waters Azaleas, Tiptoes Through Tulips

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>House Passes the Farm Bill, Which Bush Says He'll Sign

"I Like Playing with Pens!" shouts exuberant Chief Executive

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>Hugo Boss Says Profit Will Fall

de la Renta Screams from Nearby Sitz Bath: "That's Cradle, You Queen! Cradle!"

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>Aides Say Pope Would Resign If Unfit to Work

College of Cardinals Reportedly Searching Internet for "Younger, More Nubile" Pope

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>Cuomo Calls Pataki Record a Failure

Has A Good Beat, But Can't Dance To It

Prefers Earlier Work With "Dexy's Midnight Runners"

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>Weed Killer Deforms Sex Organs in Frogs, Study Finds
Frogs Add "Ortho Overdose" To "Cold Water Shrinkage", "It's Not You, It's Me" Excuses

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>Editor Arrested in Zimbabwe Over Story
"Zimbabwe Is So 2001" says Editor

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>Trotskyist on a First-Name Basis to France
Reportedly Looking for Soho Loft to Sublet Together

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>Nuclear Waste Move Spews Political Fallout in 2 States
"It's Going to Take Months to Clean up All These Damn Congressmen", experts claim.

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>France: Jail Awaits Big Mac Attacker

French Prisoner Promptly Surrenders To Burger Kingdom

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>Japan: Neighbors of U.S. Base Lose Suit

Also Misplace Socks

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>Bush and Daschle Set Terms For Their Battle On Budget

Bush Insists Upon No Hair Pulling; Daschle Says "No Name Calling"

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>Lawyer Wins Easily in Queens Assembly Race

Winner Cites Elizabeth II, Queen Noor of Jordan as "Feisty Competitors"

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>Campaign Lists Show Importance of Wealth and Incumbency

Ability to Walk, Chew Gum Simultaneously Distant Third

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>Intel Meets Expectations For Earnings

In Discussions along with Microsoft to Acquire Heaven/Earth

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>Coke Reports $125 Million Loss

Company Spokesman Tries Jiggling Lever, Fails To Get Money Returned

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>Metro-North Makes Silk Purses Out of Old Depots

Railroad Giant Ponders Surplus of Sow's Ears

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>Canada: Interest Rate Raised

East Indies Claim It's "Heard of It", Papua New-Guinea Thinks It's "A State or Something"

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>Microsoft And Mexico Aim to Put Nation Online

Gates: "It's a Hell of a Lot Cheaper than Putting Them on the Payroll"