Why Filipinos Would Make Good Astronauts

Why Filipinos Would Make Good Astronauts

Last time I talked about why we would make bad astronauts. On the other side of the argument, there are lots of reasons why having a Filipino in space would be a good thing. Sure, there are a lot of sacrifices involved, like going without soy sauce for long periods of time (maybe several hours or more); but despite the hardship, there are a lot of positives. By joining the quest into the great unknown edges of the cosmos, you can be a strong boon to the space program in general. They have a lot of reasons to want us on board:

-We are already used to dehydrated food: mangoes, salty fish, rice, top-ramen, sky-flakes, polvoron, etc.

-We already know how to smuggle fresh produce aboard any aircraft.

-We are used to drinking Coca-cola from a plastic bag.

-In a pinch, your secret lambanog stash could double for extra rocket fuel.

-We are smaller, handle cramped spaces better, and use less oxygen. Ride a bus in Manila, and you'll believe me.

-When the computer is down, you always know an Uncle Boyet who can fix it as a favor.

-If the rocket boosters ever fail the test firing, you own giant subwoofers that can fake it.

-You can share divine protection of all the religious icons glued onto the dashboard.

-In case the retractor arm or bay doors get stuck, your Kuya Jopet can tweak it good, no problem.

-Even if he can't, he'll still throw in the hub-spinners for free.

-On an extra-long and boring mission, there is no need to hibernate: we can gamble for days without even feeling it. Just watch out for that loose-floating mahjongg tile.

-Everyone in the crew gets free haircuts from your gay cousin, Kuya Jojo.

-The cosmonauts on the ISS will have someone decent to play drinking games with.

-By sneaking live chickens aboard, you can officiate the first ever cockfight in a zero-g environment.

-They can always use former military personnel who can cook. "Lieutenant Tito-Boy! What happened to that alien who kept shooting at us? And where did these delicious, killer pork rinds come from? Titio-Boy: Heh-heh...Those two questions have the same answer, sir! "