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Beware Birth Mother Adoption Scams

By Steve Thompson, published Mar 11, 2007
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Adoption is a beautiful gift for both the birth parents and the adoptive parents. Unfortunately, however, there are plenty of ways for a birth mother to scam prospective adoptive parents, especially those who are desperate for children. When you decide to adopt a baby, there are certain precautions that you should take in order to protect your own interests (and your finances).

The most common birth mother adoption scams are used to milk money from desperate couples who want to adopt a baby. Some birth mothers will promise their babies to more than one couple (sometimes up to twenty) and will request money for hospital bills, medical emergencies, rent, food and other needs. When a couple is unable to have a child, it can be easy to believe a birth mother's sob stories because it gets them closer to adopting a child. If you aren't careful, however, you could wind up with a big hole in your wallet and no child to show for it.

To protect themselves, most adoptive parents choose to work through a qualified adoption attorney or agency. This way, the proper forms and documents are signed and the pregnancy is verified independently. If you choose to adopt without the assistance of a professional, you run the risk of meeting with a birth mother who only wants your money.

Often, birth mother scams start with the birth mother calling a pregnancy hotline or contacting someone in child services. She'll tell that person that she doesn't want to keep her baby -- she might even say that the baby is a product of rape or incest -- and that she needs to contact couples who are looking to adopt. This way, she doesn't have to seek adoptive parents through an attorney or agency and the process isn't structured. Out of the kindness of his or her heart, the contact person will put her in touch with prospective couples, and the scam begins.

Beware Birth Mother Adoption Scams

Birth Mother Adoption Scams

Credit: Microsoft Free Clipart

Copyright: www.microsoft.com

Takeaways
  • Work through a qualified adoption attorney or agency.
  • Collect full contact information for the birth mother as well as her doctors.
  • Birth mothers can be very convincing and you don't want to fall into a trap.
Comments
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My husband and I were put into such scams three differant times. After the thrist time we gave up on adoption completely not willing to have what was left of our hearts torn out completely. It is extremely sad that a person would rather scam good people rather than actually work for a living and could be so cruel and cold hearted as to pull this kind of scam on people who have struggled with infertility. Anyone who has had to do this knows how devasting it is. There are many, many couples who found wonderful women that did give them the greatest gift of their entire life. And then there are those of us who were crushed and stomped on trying to have a family. I don't agree with lumping all into one group...but people do need to be aware this does go on and it will always go on as long as there are women and couples unable to conceive on their own.

Posted on 02/04/2008 at 7:02:25 AM

 
This article has made me SO CROSS - this gives Birth Moms a bad press and it is hard enough to hand your baby to a stranger and LIVE WITH IT forever afterwards without people bad mouthing you in this way. I am sure there are unscrupulous people out there but it is not the norm and hence Birth Mums should not all be tarred with the same brush

Posted on 10/01/2007 at 1:10:00 PM

 
ONLY adoptive parents put themselves at great risk? You've got to be kidding me. Expectant parents, banking on open adoptions that may not be legally binding in their state, aren't even TOLD that the adoptive family can close the adoption without warning or reason. And by using the term "giving up" you ARE showing that you ARE uneducated regarding adoption terminology, at the very least.

Posted on 03/30/2007 at 7:03:00 AM

 
You are exactly right. I certainly don't believe in taking children away from a mother or trying to convince her that she should give up her children just because of her income level or her marital status. I'm grateful that my wife and I were able to adopt, but I certainly support the rights of birth mothers, and I find that giving one's child up for adoption is an enormous gift for that baby, provided there's a legitimate reason.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 7:03:00 PM

 
I do agree with you S. Thompson. Obviously, being properly cared for in the situation your children had experienced is a little more clear cut. And obviously being born to someone who is drug addicted or an alcholic puts them at a huge disadvantage developmentally. I get queasy though when "properly cared for" becomes an issue that discriminates based on income level. I think this concern, though, is becoming less prevalent in recent decades, in part because there is no longer a social stigma of being a single parent so unwed mothers are no longer labeled as being unable to provide for their children simply because they're single and unwed.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 6:03:00 PM

 
I agree Sharon, though I think that I would rather a child be adopted than live in a home where he or she can't be properly cared for and/or is abused. Of my three children, two were born to alcoholic and drug-addicted mothers who had the presence of mind to choose adoption. The third was born to a homeless woman. Thanks, Stephanie, for your kind comments, and I agree. Adoption should be a combined effort of the birth mother, social workers, counselors and health care professionals.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 5:03:00 PM

 
Nice article. I think it should be illegal to adopt outside of an agency. An attorney is not enough, and a desperate mother is not enough. There should always be a state agency of sorts, overseen by both proper state officials, mental health counselors, attorneys, and post-partum counseling should be mandatory for the birth mother. I hope all adoptive parents to be can be united with a child to call their own, and hopefully the laws against these scams will become tougher.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 4:03:00 PM

 
Except in cases of abuse and neglect, I do think children belong with their parents. I guess in an ideal world all birth mothers would want their children. However, I do think the number of birth moms who are coerced into adoption has definitely decreased in recent decades.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 4:03:00 PM

 
Sharon, you're absolutely right that children should not be viewed as a commodity. The system is flawed (as are all other systems). The number of children waiting to be adopted is far larger than the number of infants (an important distinction). The adoption industry is shady because of agencies, attorneys and birth parents whose goal it is to scam other people. And that's certainly not to say that birth mothers and fathers cannot be victimized, as well.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 3:03:00 PM

 
Christine, while I appreciate your comments, I am in no way uneducated about adoption. I've adopted three children of my own and I am grateful every day to the women who gave up their children (for whatever reason). However, you have to understand that adoptive parents often put themselves at great risks. We went through a closed adoption process, so there were no such risks, but others haven't been quite as lucky. Further, there is no other way to distinguish birth parents from adoptive parents for the purposes of this article. All of the information here is researched and verified, both from my own experience and from outside research.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 3:03:00 PM

 
Too many grammar issues :) I mean the couples adopting: potential adopters.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 3:03:00 PM

 
I agree in part with "Your Mom" who posted below. I do think it's unfortunate that many potentially adopted couples are scammed, but I ultimately view the adoption industry as a bit shady in general for viewing human children as a commodity. There are some birth mothers who don't want their children, but I don't think the number is quite as high as potential adopters would like to believe.

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 3:03:00 PM

 
I can understand why birth parents would want to make such a correction. And finally - the best way to avoid such horrific experiences as described in this article, is to utilize a reputable agency with a proven track record. That trumps every other option (inluding private attorney adoptions - which don't require the extensive training nor offer the ongoing lifetime counseling of reputable agencies).

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 2:03:00 PM

 
I would like to come to the defense of "Your Mom." I simply think this author is uneducated on proper adoption language. A mother BECOMES a birth mother when she is no longer parenting her child (per nationally accepted adoption language among professionals). In fact, reputable agencies will never refer to a woman as a birth mom until the moment she signs her papers ... even if she has been making an adoption plan throughout her entire pregnancy. Every pregnant woman is a mother, and is the child's only mother until papers are signed and they relinquish those rights. The term "birth mother" exists to make the distinction between the woman who relinquished rights and the woman who is parenting. There are both sides to the story, but sadly birthmoms do have to outlive a horrendous amount of stereotypes due to this minority of women who use adoption in such a scandalous way. I certainly don't think you ever intended to add to this problem. Yet, I can understand why birth parents

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 2:03:00 PM

 
One last note to "Your Mom" - Bith mother doesn't have to be a legal term. I was raised by my natural parents, but I would still be fine if someone called my mother my birth mother. Lighten up and you will see this is a valuable and informative article. If nothing else, you are focusing on the wrong part of this article!

Posted on 03/12/2007 at 1:03:00 PM

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