Summer 2005 Movies Predicted

Why wait until the upcoming summer to review the summer blockbuster movies when one can accomplish this just as easily right now?Let's start with the basics. Approximately 55% of the releases will be sequels or sequels of sequels, and of the ensuing 45% remaining, we can roughly figure about 30% of these beauts will either (a) rehash an already obscenely overused storyline, (b) remake a perfectly credible previously released film readily available in most video stores or (c) bring to life either some comic book superhero, cartoon, cartoon superhero or failed 70's TV show with marginal superhero introduced into storyline in the hopes of melding genres.

The piddling amount of films unable to squeeze into any of the aforementioned categories make up the brash and unnerving attempts to inject originality and ingenuity within our summertime viewing pleasure.

But enough about those, it's more fun to discuss everything else.

We can expect approximately two major car chases per film, regardless of the genre at hand being buddy cop flick, teen horror, animated coming-of-age comedy or animated buddy cop teen horror satire spoof comedy thriller.

We can expect to see most of our popular young comedians show up on the big screen in the role of either all-knowing, veteran, yet wisecracking, cop or green and fumbling, yet wisecracking, rookie cop. Either way, in the end, they'll save the day. They always save the day regardless. In most cases, they'll be paired up with someone who is the complete opposite of them; a situation which in the real working world would only guarantee several issue-related one on one sit-downs moderated by a member of the corporate HR staff, not a major break in solving a federal crime while capturing a devious criminal mastermind.