The College Bathroom Survival Guide

One of the unequivocally worst parts of college is sharing a bathroom. I can't speak for the girls, but for guys? It's disgusting. It may seem alright at first. I can only assume some governmental detox team comes in and cleans during the summer because for the first few weeks, everything is tolerable. Just give it time. After a few weeks or so, things start to get gross. Toothpaste begins popping up in the most unexpected places, clothing starts littering to floors, and the stench? Well, let's not go there.

When I call this the College Bathroom Survival Guide, I am only half joking. Some of the things I've seen may very well kill you. Here are five tips to help you get in, get done, and get out as fast as you can with your health intact.

No skin touches the floor. Ever.
Can't stand wearing sandals? Embarrassed by your feet? Get over it quick. The tile on the floor becomes slick with a mixture of dirt, soap and water in a matter of days, and the floor of the shower becomes literally gray with mildew. After the first weekend, you'll have very vivid memories of wear all the vomit once was and it soon becomes impossible to step just about anywhere. There is no reason to go into the bathroom barefoot. Buy a cheap pair of flip flops at any store in town an burn them after each semester. Trust me: It's worth it.

No skin touches the toilet seat. Ever.
I guess this technically can be read as a corollary to rule number one, but it's so important it deserves its own section. Here's a fact: drunken people have no interest in lifting the seat before they vomit. Nor do most sober people before they do their business. I don't care how badly you have to go. Take the time and put down one of those seat protectors before you sit. If you don't have one, put down some toilet paper. It likely will become wet with something the first time you do it, so repeat until you have a dry layer of tissue to sit on. Save yourself some trauma. Trust me: The first time you take a seat and don't do this will almost certainly be the last.