Movies Depict Bad Relationships

If your significant other confronts you about your so-called "fear of commitment", look them in the eye, and say, "It's all Hollywood's fault".

Take a look at the way the entertainment industry displays relationships. Movies depict romantic relationships in one of two phases- the courtship stage, or the dead zone of life after marriage. The romantic comedy genre relies entirely on the courtship phase- take Hitch, How to Loose a Guy in Ten Days, or any film starring Hugh Grant. The quagmire of life after “I do” has provided fodder for social critiques such as American Beauty, and sarcastic comedies such as Married with Children, or The Family Guy.

The few occasions a long term relationship is displayed on screen, its only as a prelude to one member of the happy couple being kidnapped or killed, thus setting of a series of suspense filled action scenes. For this, look to Proof of Life, or this year’s sure Oscar contender, The Constant Gardener.

Hollywood knows what’s its doing- successful relationships make for an awful entertainment. (What gets better ratings, the latest special on the Hallmark Channel, or a Jerry Spring show?) But if you, like me, have already made the mistake of deriving your morality from the media you consume, then you likely tremble at the thought of a relationship, and plummet into unconsciousness at the mere mention of the word "marriage"

Dr. Phil says that the first step in overcoming a fear is to recognize it- well then, I'm terrified. I’m afraid that if I put on ring I will turn into some amalgamation of Homer Simpson and Al Bundy that is too lazy to turn the channel when Dr. Phil comes on. Maybe I won't even get that far-remeber what happen to King Kong when he feel head over heels into love’s abyss.

Worse yet, if I marry someone, I might condemn this future wife to some awful fate that she never would have known otherwise. Who knows what enemies I might some day make, and if these villains watch movies, they will surely go straight at my wife to get at me!

No, that’s way too much responsibility. I’d rather play Hugh Grant or Will Smith.