Step Kids and Parenting

Statistics show that subsequent marriages quite often end in divorce, and it is no wonder why. The majority of succeeding marriages include step kids, and the issues regarding step kids can be a great source of problems for couples.

Step kids can be jewels in the binding of a marriage, or they can be thorns. There are ways to deal with and avoid step parenting problems before they begin.

Rules and the Evil Stepparent

Everyone has a different way of parenting, and when you became a part of the family, many rules and habits were already long established. You may not agree with the rules, or lack thereof, but unless someone or something is in immediate danger, don’t worry about the situation. The surest way to create a rift in the family is by insisting on immediately changing the rules in the middle of the game. You will do nothing more than create resentment, not only with your step kids, but also between you and your spouse. Keep in mind, the family you stepped into survived long before you became a part of it.

Don’t enter into a family and expect step kids to immediately adapt to your parenting style. Talk to your spouse if you have a problem or concern before confronting your step kids. Let he or she act as the “bad guy” if it becomes necessary to confront kids regarding household rules. The statement, “blood is thicker than water,” is truer than you think, and if you come off as a dictator you won’t accomplish anything other than causing hard feelings.

The Defensive Parent

Parents naturally become defensive when their kids are threatened. When they feel their kids are being treated unfairly or picked on, they will come to their defense, sometimes even if the kids are clearly wrong. The parent knows the stepparent more than likely does not have the same feelings of parental love for their kids, so they want to protect them from injustice. They are unsure if the negativity of the stepparent comes from a genuine concern for the child, or from resentment for that child.