How to Recover from an Affair

Finding out your partner has had an affair is a gut-wrenching experience. You may feel like your world is crumbling around you. Your first reactions may range from wanting to get out, to wondering what you could have done to prevent it, to kicking yourself from not noticing. There is a lot of advice out there about how to recover from an affair, some better than others. Theses tips are from someone who has been through it, and is still getting through it.

1. Make a decision.

This may be one of the harder parts, but you have to decide whether you are going to stay or go. Until you actually make this decision you will bounce back and forth, and you won't be able to move forward. There will be a lot that you need to consider: can you financially afford to leave, what resources do you have to assist you in leaving, do you still love your partner, does your partner want to stay? Your religious or cultural upbringing may also come in to play here. If you don't think you can afford to leave, consider all of your options. Talk to your family. Perhaps they would be willing to help out so that you can get out of a bad marriage. Swallow your pride. Getting help in the short-term is much better than being miserable in the long-term. Determining if you love your partner is important too. Perhaps you've been drifting away from your partner for a long-term; loss of intimacy can be a major factor in a partner's decision to have an affair. It's okay if you don't love one another anymore; walking away may be best for both of you. If your partner doesn't want to stay, you can't force them to; that would only make the both of you miserable.

If you decide to stay, then you need to begin the steps to recovering from the affair.

2. Forgive yourself.