I Want to Marry Ann Coulter

Like countless people just like myself I have spent years searching for true love. I have spent night after night dreaming up the perfect woman for me. All I want is what every guy really wants. I want a woman that I can have a conversation with. Of course I would need to have that special connection with her. I would need to know that I can always put my trust in her. After all of my searching I have finally found the perfect woman for me.

I want to marry Ann Coulter.

That's right. I want to marry the woman with hair like the sun and a mouth as big as the Lincoln Tunnel. I'm sure many of you reading are astonished as to why anybody who is as admittedly left-wing as I am would be interested in such a gal. Quite simply it is because Ann Coulter is the perfect woman for me. Here are some of the reasons why I want to marry Ann Coulter.

I want to marry Ann Coulter because I know she is a virgin and has been saving herself for when she gets married to her soul mate.
How do I know that she is a virgin? Somebody who is as staunch a Christian as Ann Coulter would never have pre-marital sex. Since Ann has never said "I do" it is a guarantee she is a pure as they can come. Ann has just been waiting all this time for the right man to come and sweep her off her feet. If given the chance I would treat her like the delicate flower that she is.

I want to marry Ann Coulter because she graduated from the University of Michigan Law School.
While I graduated from The Pennsylvania State University I grew up as a huge Michigan fan. My family has always joked that I would only marry a girl from the University of Michigan. Is it a coincidence? I think it's fate. Go Blue!