Bushy Tailed Freaks: When Squirrels Attack!

They're back!

No, I don't mean aliens, or the in-laws, at least not this time, I mean that Order Rodentia throwback from the Miocene Epoch, that huckle-toothed yard sheep in a mink coats clothing, the pride of Genus Sciurus, the common ground squirrel.

In an odd, almost unprecedented level of species-crossing tolerance, mankind has learned to overlook, and sometimes even encourage, the presence of these sometimes unpredictable, booshy-tailed rodents, an uneasy detente at best, but sometimes events go awry, as evidenced by these chilling, real-life, world-wide press releases of Bushy Tailed Freaks: When Squirrels Attack!

Eddy Arfe, Attorney: "I went to put some garbage in the trash receptacles in the park," Eddy Arfe recalls his evening of terror, "when all of a sudden something hit me in the chest and bounced off. That was a squirrel. Needless to say, it was quite frightening. Squirrels have been eating up the wires in the cars, There's a young fellow who parks his car in our lot who puts mothballs under it, to discourage the squirrels from 'visiting' his car."

Madison, Wisconsin, Anonymous Deer Hunter: I heard several different squirrels, some on the hillside to the west, some behind me to the east. After a while, I stopped turning around as they jumped through the leaves. Suddenly, I noticed a gray squirrel at the bottom of the dam. He scampered up, paused, looked up at me. I was sitting very still. He ran up and stopped right next to my left boot. I couldn't see him except for his bushy tail. I didn't really want him to run up my leg, so I moved my boot. He took off, leaping right up at my face. I must have flinched a bit, he made it on to my hat, his tail hit me in the face. One more good jump (off my hat) and he was gone.